xmas miracles in september.

I think I have an angel friend looking over me or something.

No, but seriously.

I really think I do.

I cried last night for a little bit. They weren't sad tears. They were happy ones. Maybe slightly exhausted ones too. It reminded me of the time when a former boss of mine (who I miss and admire so very much) broke down for a second after opening a brand new restaurant, and I remember thinking, "Why is this champ crying right now. She fucking did it. She opened this beautiful restaurant. What are these tears?" Like a mind reader, my other boss who was standing right there, responded, "She's ok. She's just tired. It's been a lot of work, and now it's finished. We're open."

That's kind of how I feel right now. It's like a happy-tired mixed with an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. And gratitude. I'm not always feeling God/Jesus/religion/praying and all that--I'll be honest about it, but man, I've done some serious praying since I started this trek and not only have things really worked out for me in general, but this week alone I've seen some specific prayers of mine be blatantly answered.

Have you guys ever prayed for specific things, and seen miracles happen? I love those kinds of stories. Please share them in the comments if you do :)

I have to tell you that I made some poor choices over the weekend. Some of it has made for a good story or two, but overall, I've decided the good story or two really weren't worth it. A good night to remember is one where you don't lose your friends, where your light-weight characteristics don't eat you up alive after only four drinks, where you started drinking for happy reasons rather than sad ones to begin with, and where you don't fall down on the sidewalk and wake up with cuts and bruises and holes in your very expenses pair of Hue tights. A good night is one where you stay classy, Ventura County. Not stupid and irresponsible. I'm still limping and suffering from that one night alone. And even though that single event has some funny notes, it wasn't worth it. It really wasn't.

Thankfully, my angel friend was present that night. Cause in the movement of losing my friends, I found myself in the company of an entirely new one who was kind enough to get inside a cab with me at three in the morning/hold my hair back in my own bathroom/and tuck me into my own bed. And in all of that, not rape, kill, or steal from me. That's a good fucking Samaritan right there. Thank you, very kind girl for taking care of me. And thank you to the other very dear friend who answered my drunk calls in the middle of night and didn't judge me for being a sloppy mess for the evening.

Those kinds of stories are not so usual for me. And I'm not proud of it. But, I tell you so that you can be rest assured that young ladies do sometimes go out and make an ass of themselves. They do sometimes go out and drink too much. They do sometimes make poor choices. And even though, I sit here now, singing,  "I'm never drinking again." I know that of course I will. I just need to be more wise about it in the future. Having something to eat before four shots of whiskey is probably a good idea. So are mixed drinks instead of just shots (wtf were me and my friends thinking?). So is not drinking simply because I'm in an emotional pickle. Don't do that. You'll always end up drinking more than you want to, or can. And it's just downright dangerous. Especially for a girl. I'm very lucky that I walked out of that bar with a kind stranger holding my hand. Very lucky.

Again, my parents probably aren't amused reading this. But for the sake of keeping it real, there it is.

[End Angel On My Shoulder Event #1]

Angel On My Shoulder Event #2

Landed an awesome new sublet for the months of October/November. As you know, I was hoping to find a more long-term situation/lease starting October, but decided it might be more wise to just go for one more sublet before I signed anything more official. This will also give me more time to save money for a security deposit and find a living situation that fits me and caters well to my writing rituals and necessities-- a comfortable and peaceful space is so important for a little writer-- I'm sure all of you know it. So-with all of that being said, I'll be migrating back to Astoria soon, and I couldn't be more excited/relieved. It's a nice space in a nice hood, and I quite fancy the NQR train line. It's much cleaner than the 1/2/3 and I just love those high-tech boards that tell you what stop is next, even though, I'm excited to say I'm relying on those boards less and less. Three cheers for becoming more and more of a New Yorker!

Anyway, the trouble here was that I had just the right amount of the money to hand over to lock down this space. And when I say just the right amount, I mean, I actually needed a couple hundred dollars more to hand over. I made plans to give money on Thursday night, and then realized that I was short and wouldn't have money coming in again until Friday, the day after. Not a huge deal-was probably gunna call my sister to spot me the money for a day or just call the dude I'm subletting from and see if he could wait till Friday for the money instead. Plus, I had last night's serving shift which, yesterday, I was thinking, "Who knows. Maybe it can save me. Fat chance since it's Rosh Hashanah & Monday-- it'll probably be really slow. But who knows." Following that thought, I said a little prayer: Dear God, please let me make two thousand dollars tonights. Please. If not, then two hundred would do. Thanks.

And then I went to work. And indeed it was slow. I probably would have made $50. But then something crazy happened. One of my tables decided to go crazy and spend over a grand on a casual family dinner. Oh, and then tip me almost $500.

Yeah. I got a $460 tip last night.

To date: that is largest single tip I have ever received in my life waiting tables.

And the craziest part: I didn't even really bond with the table. I didn't tell them anything about me, my life, my situation, nothing.

I just did my job.

I just prayed to God for something. Went to work, and did my job.

And that happened.

Tell me you agree: there's a fucking Angel on my shoulder.

I got off work last night and I walked thirty blocks thanking Jesus, God, the universe. Took some instagrams, and cried a little.

But they were happy tears. Somehow all of this is still working out. Heck, I'm still getting over the shock of being able to make ANY of it work to begin with.

Now I've got two more months to my name. Two more months of play, new friends, and MILKSHAKES. (Whiskey and I are on a mad break. Indefinitely.)

The hard work will continue these next sixty days, but how good it feels to know I got this-that the universe has my back, and that despite my bruised knee, my tight funds, my insane work schedule, and my lonely after-work strolls--I'm feeling joy. True joy.

Cause I'm working it out, y'all!

I'm open.

Give me what comes next.


she works, she works.

Oh man.

You guys have given me some gooood stuff to listen to. Thank you!

I'm gunna put a playlist together of all your recommendations and post it. We're gunna call it punky's train jams. And itunes is gunna beg for it.

I've gotten so many wonderful e-mails/comments/tweets from all of you and it's not fair how my time and energy is so very limited. I want to write back to each and every one of you and tell you how much I love/miss/appreciate you. I cannot say this kind of stuff enough. Which is why I bring it up in like. every. single. post. As always, please bear with me as I work through my inbox! I am so so behind :(

As many of you might be imagining that I'm having a wild feast of adventures thus far, I want to be the first to tell you: quite the contrary. I mean, yeah, OK. I did almost get kidnapped and raped in East Orange, New Jersey. (this is for real.) (and really not something to be stated so lightly.) (still I will add in a "ha")( ha. ) (cause it's over now.) (but at the time it was scurry.) (dad was not proud of my lack of street smarts.) (neither was mum.) And yes, I have been moving around like a gypsy monster while showing unemployment who's the boss. BUT because I came out here on so very little, it's been mostly all work and no play as I've been frantically trying to get my ducks in order. And no, it hasn't been super sexy and glamorous. It's been a lot of hard work. Truthfully, I'm exhausted. Just this week alone, I am working 80 hours between my two jobs. 80 hours!! And it's not so bad, since my social life is, ya know, non existent and all, but it is exhausting, and it does take away from the opportunity to go out and make some new friends, or go out with the many long lost loves I have do in fact have floating around.

I'm def starting to get a little bit cranky. And have been purchasing a lot of candy as a result of this. Mostly Mike and Ikes, if you must know.  

But, this is allll a part of the deal. I'm paying my dues.

Around here, it's necessary.

And yup. Once this getting-settled-and-financially-legit jig is up, IT IS ON.

You can bet all your dollars this girl is going to find a good partner in crime (or five) and rage this town.

Not really.

But kind of.

At the very least, I could go for a walk in the park. Maybe with an ice cream cone. STAT.

In other news, dudes who have girlfriends are especially lame. Can I get an amen?

(I think I picked the wrong city to be single in. Everyone here is taken. wtf. )



Sorry guys.

That was kind of a dick move to hit publish for the first time in oh, what two weeks? And for it to be for some hombre who followed me onto my 1 train.

Nevermind my man crazy ways for a sec. (I'm ridiculous, I know.)


I want to start with thanks.

THANK YOU, all of you, for checking in as often as you do and for not holding my lack of postings against me. I really cannot tell you how simply wonderful and fantastic it is to have an entire clan of awesomes cheering me on in this journey. You make me smile and dance and feel important+strong+bad ass. So thanks for that.

The good news is this: I found a job.

TWO JOBS, in fact.

(Si, many of these: !!!!!!!!!!)

Ha, there I was for a second mad stressing that I wouldn't be able to find even one job, and then at one point I had three jobs all at the same time, and basically had to choose which job to keep. (Not the worst problem I've ever had.) Then once I picked that job, I came up with a set schedule and went out looking for a day job to generate some extra pocket money.

Alas, I am now serving nightly at a Brazilian restaurant in the Gramercy and working in a cupcake shop in the mornings in the Fashion District.

Both great jobs with great companies. And it feels so good to now have an income.

As far as housing goes, I did a little bouncing around in Astoria with friends of friends as I described before, and when that ended, I was thisclose to heading back to Jersey for a few nights until I found a new spot to crash. Definitely was not looking forward to such an event. But then. By the grace of God, I found a one month sublet in upper Manhattan with some actors for super cheap and moved my ass in immediately. It couldn't have been anymore perfect how it all happened. Literally, the night before my last Astoria deal ended, I posted on Janelle's list and that night I got a response. Next day, checked the place out, signed a check, and moved in that night! So now I'm covered with a roof until October 5th. And the new 20 day challenge is this: find a more long-term living situation.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull off signing a lease come October, but it's a good goal to keep in mind. I think I can do it!

And if not, then I just do another short-term deal. No problem. At this point, my stress levels have diminished a great amount. Ha, it must be my California vibe kicking in (finally.)

I bought headphones yesterday which were much needed. Jams on the train are much, much better than no jams on the train. With that being said, I need some new jams. Will you help me friends? Tell me three songs you are currently obsessed with at the moment! 

Things are still a bit hectic as I'm still trying to get finances/budgeting/housing in order. And am working A LOT in the meantime. However, once things do settle a bit more, I have a school of things I want to do with this blog and I really cannot wait. Really, thank you from the bottomsss of my heart for all of your love and support.

It really is such a trip to be here. What a long way this foolish lady has come in nine months, huh.

Leaps of faith, my dear friends. Take 'em.


to the very handsome and hilarious man who rode the train with me this evening.

thank you.

it was nice.

(who needs CL missed connections when you have a blog. right?)

(i gave said homeboy my blog link.)