inspiration thru living.

Lately I've been getting down on myself about not keeping up with the blogging the way I feel I should. I worry about not posting on a daily basis or even on a bi-daily basis, and I stress like mad mamas when my blog-lovin' account starts shouting at me, "145 UNREAD POSTS!!!!" I stress, and then sometimes (lately), I laugh and wonder if maybe I'm taking this whole blogging thing a wee bit too seriously. After all, I started this thing for fun--I'm not even getting paid for any this, and while I do eventually hope to make a career out of writing (dare I say blogging itself?), for the time being, this space is a hobbie. A cubbie. A cubbie for my nonsense, my thoughts, my sometimes formal ramblings, and all the beautiful people that inspire me to share my heart and my ideas. Whether I post every day or once a week or two days in a row and then eight days later, I don't think it really matters, so long as I'm posting when I feel the most genuinely inspired to do so. Of course, if I was getting paid to do this, I think it would be a different story, I'd definitely have to come up with some sort of set schedule, but until that day comes, I'm not going to bite my finger nails over the fact that I haven't hit publish in a few days. Or that I'm a week behind in replying to comments.

The fact is this: We blog to talk about life. To record our happenings. To exchange our experiences. To showcase our ideas.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think it's pretty hard to do this if we're not taking the time to go outside and pick some cherries with our real-life neighbors...iphones excluded. (I don't pick cherries with my real-life neighbors. But I would if I knew of some cherry trees. Actually, there was one right outside the Russian's apartment last week, and he did in fact pick a cherry and eat it, and I was scared because I read some old fables where that wasn't a smart idea. He didn't die, thankfully. And thus it became a rather cool moment in time, standing beside some handsome and very random Russian man beneath a giant cherry tree.)

While I gather much of my inspiration from experiences of my past, and even more inspiration from the many blogs I quietly stalk (many thanks to Erin for inspiring this very post), much of my inspiration comes in the moments when I am away from my computer. Away from my phone. It comes while I am driving or sweating it out on the stair master. It comes while I am in the company of others laughing and enjoying life in real time.

I believe that as humans, we are the most inspired through living.

And not just inspired, but experienced and matured.

The very last class I took in college for my degree was an intermediate acting course. My teacher was a pretty intense dude, 36, intimidating and at first glance a bit pretentious-seeming. Like maybe he was better at thinking he was all that, then actually being all that. Turns out, he was everything previously mentioned and also ALL THAT. The guy knew his shit and when he wasn't screaming at me to find stronger connections to my characters, he was sharing with all of us students, facts about life. Facts about his own life, stories of how he has found inspiration in his acting and how he has matured as an actor. He shared one personal story in particular that has really stuck with me.

When a drama student is approaching his or her's bachelor degree, there's this huge thing called URTA's that take place. It's basically like a giant audition conference, where undergrads come to audition for multiple grad programs looking to recruit new grad actors. Not every drama student attends URTA's. I didn't. It's mostly for those interested in getting their master's in Acting, though it has said to be a great experience to audition anyway, just to receive feedback and also see if there are any school's that woulda/coulda/shoulda been interested in you.

Anyway, my drama teacher shared with us his first experience of attending URTA's. Having done pretty well as an undergrad with getting casted in shows and what not, he felt pretty confident that there would be a handful of schools interested in having him. To his surprise, he received not a single a call back. Not one. The experience left him feeling so defeated, that he ended up taking an extended break from acting all together. He simply just lived his life without attending a single acting class or performing in a single production. Even though it had been his passion all his life, and the thing he had just received his college degree in, he separated himself form the acting world, describing it as a period in which he didn't just "give up", but rather "focused on other things." It wasn't until two years later, that he came back to URTA's for a second audition and with the SAME EXACT SET OF MONOLOGUES that he used two years prior, got SEVEN callbacks.

Naturally, in the movement of our teacher telling us this story we all looked at him in a very puzzling manner.... seven callbacks? After taking a two year break? Not a single acting class in between.. really?

"Yes," he replied, "Not a single acting class in between."

In a nutshell, he had taken time to LIVE. To experience things. Instead of study the creation of characters besides himself, he studied HIMSELF. He matured. And all of those things helped him become a better actor. It helped him have a better connection to those monologues that he didn't quite connect with in the past. They made his acting more believable, more real, and more raw.

Now, I'm not sure how perfectly this story parallels to blogging and taking time away from the computer, but it's a great story and I wanted to share it anyway! HA.

And still, I feel like it does connect in ways to these strange and modern times where we are living in a world that revolves heavily around technology and social media. A world where there is this constant pressure to feel organically inspired day in and day out, and share it with every FEED we know. But the problem is, organic inspiration isn't a consistent thing. In my opinion, it is not.  It isn't something that can be forced, put on a tight schedule, or pulled out of a hat. A lot of the time you gatta give it a break and come back to it after you've spent some time doing other things... i.e. LIVING (!!) This is not to say there aren't bloggers out there executing brilliant material on a daily basis (btw how the f do they do that, with like their husbands and babies and crafts and stuff?????), but I think the greatest of inspiration is sporadic, and most of all, it's personal. It comes not from another web link, or someone else's words, but rather, our own stories. Our own adventures in nature. Our own unique paths.

Which means it's up to us to take the time to step away every now and then, if not often, and go outside... and pick them cherries. Or go on a nature walk. Shit, do you guys remember those?! #naturewalkswereawesome

Basically, I'm sorry I don't post like everyday. But also, I'm not sorry. Haha, why am I apologizing?! Why does anyone apologize ever when it comes to posting? I'm still trying to find my groove in all of this while keeping my own personal priorities straight. To those who do post everyday, high five. You guys are impressive. Like seriously, I wanna go cherry pickin' with you... and steal all your tricks.

How do you guys work out balance between life and blogging? Where do you draw your daily inspiration from? Also, I'm curious, do you guys have posting schedules? If so, how did you determine those? Is it ever a struggle to keep up? As a new blogger, I'd love to hear your thoughts on all of this bibiddy bobbidy. #100questionIknow 


how about a vlog today cause i'm lazy.

some (kind of not really) quick notes:

1. This is not a sponsored vlog, in case any of you wonder or suspect. Or don't. I just really loves Netflix and wanna share the wealth of great films I've recently lost sleep to (respectfully). P.S. all the films mentioned above are available to stream on your computer instantly! Get on that ish!

2. I was kind of getting restless towards the end there apparently.. ha, couldn't even remember the names of the movies I was just talking about. Sometimes I'm like a 40 year old woman living in a 24 year old's body acting like I'm 80.

3. Sorry this vlog is kind of boring. And that I don't smile. I'm working on it.

4. I'm working on the whole vlog thing in general. Pretty proud of the text I was experimenting with this time around.

5. Anyone else completely head over heels for Jef one f? I didn't think Emily could actually end up with him, but now I change my mind. I think they could work, which is an odd thing to say since I want the man for myself. But I like Emily. So if she picks him, great. If she doesn't, really great. Where do I sign up for Bachelor Pad. #willjefbethere

6. I decided that it was kind of rude of me to make references to actors in Breaking Upwards and not even use their names in doing so. So the lead actress who I really liked is Zoe Lister Jones, and the incredible actresses who played the eccentric mothers are Andrea Martin and Julie White. Just to reiterate: I really liked this film. I hope you guys will check it out!

7. I ALSO saw Safety Not Guaranteed last week while I was in San Fran and absolutely LOVED it. Aubrey Plaza is my kind of girl. I don't watch Parks and Recreation, but maybe I should get on that. Especially since it's on NETFLIX heyyyyy.

8. "I'll talk to you later" ?? I'm a lame.


stories about san francisco.

Question: On a scale of 1 to 10... how annoying would it be if I swapped out NYC for San Fran as my city move? 

Haha. I'm not serious about it. But, the thought has definitely crossed my mind the past week.

What a week! Here I am sitting on my own bed in Ventura, feeling rather exhausted, and also, pretty speechless. I feel like I just woke up from a dream. There are not enough high fives I can give myself for making this last minute decision to journey up North for the week. I have loved and been to San Francisco many times, but this last time was by far the best. Whether is was because it was a spontaneous decision or because I had a whole collection of spectacular souls waiting to meet me there, it was just what the doctor ordered for this stressed out lady: a breath of fresh air+some whiskey+the world's finest artisan pastries. Holy whoah. I finally had myself some of those fancy macaroons that errbody be postin' up on pinterest and I didn't think it was possible, but they do in fact, taste even better than they look. Absolutely DELISH.

As for the details of this trip, what can I say and where do I begin? It's always the loveliest of times being beside my best friend. Don't you feel the same way about your best pals? I am fortunate to have many close friends in my life. All of which currently live pretty far away. But Bailey is the best-est of them all, despite the fact she lives the furthest away. We've been keepin' it cheeky and real since the seventh grade where we first met in church youth group, a time we often reflect on with laughter and shame. Ever since then we've been the best of friends, even if we sometimes go months without talking. We just do our individual things and no matter where or when we meet up in our lives, we just pick up wherever we last left off. It's never weird and it's always awesome. And pretty much I just love her to pieces. I mean, what's not to dig about this Courtney Love sort of attitude? You tell me.

We totally had some drinks and got silly. And our beautiful friend Eva (who is also a fellow Ventura native livin' in the San Fransss) joined us which was delightful and sweet. 

As if those girls weren't enough to put a smile on my face, there was also Alexandra and Rebekka who greeted me with warm hugs and hand shakes. I've been reading these girls blogs for awhile now and singing their praises on the double. So naturally, when the opportunity came to meet them in real life, I jumped allll over it! And I'm so glad I did. Both of those ladies are just as amazing and beautiful in person as I imagined them to be, and I continue to feel so grateful for this blogging community that we all belong to. I have been introduced to so many wonderful people here and I can't wait to meet every single one of you someday! (Please if you are EVER in Ventura/LA/Santa Barbara or NYC/New Jersey area starting in August... let me know! I would be tickled to exchange some high fives over coffee with you!)

Sadly, I was too shy to demand a photo or five when we were chillin' with Alexandra and her crew, and was so disappointed about it after the fact, that when Rebekka and I got together for part duex of our meet up, I said, "LET'S TAKE SOME PICS!!!!" So we dids. And then we hung out at Delores Park, which is probably one of my most favorite spots in all of San Francisco. In fact the photo in the last post is one I took of it several years ago. Gorgeous park sitting on top of the city--always filled with colorful characters laying out or picnicing or making music, and dogs! I love all the different dogs that come running through. Sometimes I feel like that park alone is reason enough to want to move to San Francisco. I mentioned this to Rebekka, and she was kind enough to remind me that NY has some pretty amazing parks too. Having just moved to SF from NYC not even a month ago, she would probably know. So that made me THAT much more excited for the move.

In general, this whole time spent in this magical city made me feel much more relaxed and pumped for New York. It definitely confirmed my suspicions of being a city a girl at heart, and I cannot wait to get lost in it all. It's so backwards to what I'm used to--I mean between California and Brazil, I'm used to the laid back, beachy kind of scene. Suburbia to the max. But on water. And I do love the calm of it all,  I love the small town vibe that comes with it, the t-shirt+sandals look, the In and Out Burger, the many collections of palm trees in a row and shoes filled with sand. This is what I've grown up with. And I know that there is a part of me that will miss it. But. It doesn't even begin to compare to the excitement I feel when I'm carrying my feet along a crowded street, even if there is homeless people yelling and/or following me. The excitement that comes with riding public transportation. Haha, I got so excited every time Bailey said that words, "We'll just take BART." I love getting on those trains, maybe because, in part it reminds me of riding the subway trains in NY, or maybe just because it's fun. You experience so many different kinds of faces sitting in those things, and it's just exciting to be getting from one part of the city to another. Even if you are getting completely lost in the process. I actually had to get on a couple of buses all on my own this week, and it was kind of nerve-racking because I wasn't sure if I was going the right way, or if I was for sure on the right bus even. But then when I did get where I was trying to go, it was like, TRIUMPH. I did it! I got to where I was trying to go! You feel so much pride and accomplishment. Just from taking the right bus somewhere.

And the best part of being in the city? The rich mix of different cultures and the on-going celebration of individuality. I have a hard time putting it into words, but there's a very free-ing feeling that greets you on a crowded city sidewalk. You feel like you can just go outside wearing whatever you like and just be yourself, and people don't just accept that of you, they celebrate it. It's an amazing thing, and an amazing feeling. It's a feeling that in 24 years of living in Southern California, I have struggled to match. Even in LA, where I lived for a good year, I didn't completely feel it the way I have in SF and in NY. It's a different kind of energy filling your lungs, one made up of creativity and unconditional love. And I want more of it. All of it.

After all the adventures with friends, there was one more person who unexpectedly made his mark in this random journey. He's someone who may never again be mentioned, but in my heart of secrets, I pray that that is not the case. I swear I am a champion at small and peculiar affairs. I have had many of them in my short lifetime, each one worth writing a play about. And the struggle to understand and appreciate them goes on and on. I could easily go on and on about how so and what I mean by that, but that's for another time perhaps. For now, I will just say that I was introduced to a very dashing and interesting man via Bailey's boyfriend, Will. Of all things he was Russian, which to me was very interesting since I know basically nothing about Russia. Except that they are responsible for those little babushka dolls that are always still very amusing. Anyway, we hit it off surprisingly well my second night in SF and that led to hanging out the third night, and then spending the fourth night together. Yeah, I was suppose to come home Thursday. Instead, I gave my work shift away and came back Friday. All his fault.

But it was worth it. My favorite kind of people are the kinds I can sit around and philosophize with.... and also make out with. You know what I mean? He lived on the other side of the bay, in a little Italian inspired town called, Sausalito. What was suppose to just be a quick lunch before I hit the road, turned into an entire day spent lounging, walking around his town, exchanging lists of our favorite authors and musicians, films that we both wanted each other to watch. He even took me out to a nice sushi dinner. And I knew he was definitely my kind of guy when the bill came and he asked me if he should tip more than ten dollars on a forty-four dollar bill. God, I love a generous tipper. I would have had sex with him right there.

Don't worry. I didn't. Not there at the restaurant anyway.

And in all of this, I know what you are thinking "uh, so much for your platonic pledge, Jen" and you are right. But sometimes, in the moment of things, something feels right, and damn me if I don't act on those feelings. So I acted on them, and I feel no shame. Maybe a little confusion now, as I try to understand fate and all of its mysterious ways of working. Six days ago, I had no business with any kind of romance, and now there is a Russian in the world who is being missed. I don't know what to make up of what occurred. All I can say is that it was something very nice and special that happened, and I didn't take a moment of it for granted as it was happening.

I think the overall lesson learned this week is just that: To live in the moment and take every ounce of it in. Even if the future has you going somewhere far away. You can't depend or even consider the future all the time in everything you do. Because really, all you have is right now. Five days ago, all I had was a couple hundred dollars and a longing desire to get away for a few days. I was reluctant because it didn't seem like the wisest or the most practical of decisions, but I said, "fuck it" and I went for it anyway.

And in a nutshell, that's how I came to experience my best time in San Francisco to date.

How has your week been? Have you guys ever been to San Francisco? Ever had a short term romantic affair? 

P.S. I'm a thousand years behind on e-mails! I'm working this whole weekend, but will be back in reply action this week! love you alls.


impromptu getaway.

Awww yeah. Punky's headin' North for a few days.

Never the most practical decisions made over here, but sometimes you just gatta live for the day and GET THE HECK OUTTA DODGE. So, as you are reading this, I am most likely bumpin' some old school Ashlee Simpson ("Autobiography") in my car as I make the six hour drive up to San Fran. I'll be visiting my BF4L Bailey who I will be hugging goodbye before the giant move next month. And also.. meeting/chillin' with Alexanda and Rebekka! Yup, I'm meeting a couple of my favorite bloggers IN REAL LIFE... how about them rice-a-ronis!

I'll try to go easy on the Instagrams. (but not really)

Yay for spontaneity! 

What chu guys got goin' on this week? 


it's father's day.

And I'd like to suggest that my Dad is one of the coolest. (like all my sweaters) (but even cooler)

Not only did he steal MC Hammer's pants back in '91, but he rocked them like he meant it, fanny pack included and all.

In addition to being the best father that three little girls could ever ask for.

I mean he let us watch R rated movies before we turned 17 7. In fact, I think we were watching Jean Claude Van Damme in this photo. How awesome is that.

Unless not, in which case, judge all you want, but hey, I think my sisters and I all turned out alright. And besides, we learned a lot from those movies, ok. Like instead of learning about how to get a prince to kiss us awake (cause you know, that shit goes down in every day life), we learned how to escape a serial killer, which personally, I think is a much more logical and valuable lesson to be learned.

But there's more than street smarts (and bad ass movies) to thank Dad for. There's his unwavering support and his constant humor. His knowledge and wisdom that stretches for days upon end. His goofy voicemails. His pep talks. His warm hugs. His recycled jokes (that never get old). His positive outlook on everything. His adventurous nature. His overall unconditional love. + about a bajillion other things that I'll be sure to save for the real speech next month, when the man turns 70. For now tho,

A simple note: My Dad is pretty terrific.

Dad, you're pretty terrific. And I love ya. 

Happy Father's Day. 


today i'm celebrating my favorite bloggers.

Ah, so I've got a fat list of things I've been meaning to write about, but since I'm a procrastinator through and through in EVERYTHING I DO, I'm putting off the list to participate in a link up today. And not just any ordinary link up... a pretty neat one, maybe you can join too... It looks like this one is open for a week. So how about it, eh?

After blogging for only a very short six months, I am smitten and amazed by the the people I have connected with. It's unreal... no pun intended (wink winksss). SERIOUSLY CRAY that after such a short amount of time, I wake up every morning feeling like I have a brand new circle of best friends, all of whom I've never met IRL. Best friends who are funny, clever, supportive, creative, inspirational, and as Alexandra Rosas might put it... just "fun-lovin'".

This post is an homage to them. To the human beings who keep me glued to my computer when I should probably be outside ice-blocking at the park. Then again, who needs Vitamin D when you've got friendships as golden as these....

I mean really.

My ultimate dream: that we'll ALL one day have a GIANT PICNIC.

With our laptops.

Just kidding.

No laptops. Just us and all our greatness. (+some vino & cheese)

But then later on our lap tops.
So we can blog about it all. #duh #youknow

This post is for a great few of my favorite bloggy friends.

Side note: There are so (SO) many bloggers in which I wanted to include in here. Seriously. I struggled to keep it at any sort of minimum, and still, I know that I fall short of mentioning so many. These are just the ladies (and one husband) who I have followed and kept up with on a daily basis since I first started this whole thing. Please, if I left you out... I'm sorry! I love you, and no doubt there will be a time and place SOMEWHERE where it is publicly expressed. This I promise!!

Let's get it started shall we....

(the link up asks)

Do you have any real life blog friends?

Ok before I even answer this one, I just have to say that when I first read this question (at 3 a.m.), I read it as "Do you have any real life friends?" to which I immediately thought, "I'm not sure about this link up... first question and they are already implying that I'm a loser with no friends? Hmm.. maybe they're just being cute and funny with this one? Or ballsy? Or honest? I mean..I have real life friends, sure. It just doesn't appear that way as of lately. I mean sisters count, right? All my real life friends live far away. I don't know about this question.. I don't think I like it. Wait a minute. Ohhh... it says do you have any real life BLOG friends. AHAHAH ! OK!!!"

The answer is yes. I have one BLOG friend in real life. Her name is Alisia and she is a darling. We worked together for a short time in Orange County at the fabulously fresh Seasons 52. Have you guys ever heard of that place? Pretty awesome. Sometimes miss it. Always miss the wonderful people I worked with, which included this young lady, who I'm so happy to have kept in touch with after we both split ways with said establishment. She just recently got married and moved to downtown LA, where I hope to meet her for some sushi again before I leave for the big apple. Word up, Alisia!

And by the way , I have 298374837 real life friends (in case you're wondering. and by 2983749837 I mean 581 friends on Facebook.) 
Which blogger are you just dying to meet?

becoming what i always was
Well, this one is a no brainer. Although, I would like to meet basically every single person in this post along with all my loyal and supportive readers (YOU), there is one gal in particular that I'm dreaming of someday having sleep overs and tea parties with. And that would be: Miki! But nevermind the sleep overs and the tea parties. More like bank heists and jail time. Homegirl said something about us being twins that were separated at birth in hell... I know, it sounds whack (I, for one, have no idea what the hell she's talking about)....but I think she's on to something! The pair of us would definitely get into a lot of trouble while snacking on mass amounts of candy and making every single person laugh along the way.

No, but really. This girl is really funny. And smart. And an old soul. And she has freckles and bangs. So duh I love her! Pretty crazy to think that six months ago I stumbled upon her blog via Twitter. And now we're getting married. It's official. She DMed me her phone numba last night. If you know her, you're probably thinking, "but Punky, she's already married." And you're right. She is. But I'm pretty sure she also lives in the state of Utah. Which probably means she's mormon. Even if she says she's not. And well, you know how the mormons do. (Ok. So technically she would have to be a dude, and her husband Jared would have to be a chick for that point to be valid. So that I would become wife numero dos. I know. I'm confusing. And not funny. Whatever.)

Which blogger's closet do you want to raid?

These three. Definitely. Not only do these ladies have stylezzz that are note-worthy, but they are just absolutely beautiful. Each of them have this sort of glow (yes on the internet.. and IRL, I'm certain) that I absolutely admire. To me, these women define what it means to be beautiful. Cause to me, beauty is CONFIDENCE, CREATIVITY, and KINDNESS.

I love you Alex, Rebekka, and Gentri! I pray for the day when I may have the opportunity to meet you.

And steal, I mean, borrow all your clothes.

she signed in red lipstick
she is red
gentri lee

You are stuck on an island, which blogger would you want to help you survive?

Oh, these two. For sure.

meg in progress
the alison show

Meg's love for food would ensure that we don't starve to death, and Alison's DIY attitude would promise survival in the craftiest of ways. Also, they are both hilarious women and would help the time fly pretty quickly before Jack and Sawyer's plane came a-crashin'. 

And just so you're aware exactly how COOL these ladies are, you should watch this. Alison is pretty much my vlogging hero. And now she's about to become yours too.

The first blogger you remember meeting and connecting with?

lemons avocados and the bay

Six months ago I sent Tammy a request to be my friend. And not on Facebook. It was via e-mail. I found her+her blog through Twitter and just really connected to her easy-going personality and her Southern Californian lifestyle... I'm a socal baby myself so the connection there was easy. And I really wanted to be her friend!! So like a little kid on the playground I asked, "Can I be your friend?" She said yes :) & the rest is history. Since then, Tammy has not only been a sweet pal, but a wise mentor. She definitely has this blogging business down and has been a complete God send in any and all advice I've needed. Tammy, I love you. You're the bestest. Let's go see Book of Mormom and bring a box (or five) of fruit by the foot in with us. 

Any blogger that you admire and look up to?

Oh gosh. So very many. And as time goes on, this list continues to get more colorful and intense. For right now though, I think I will go with the ones I first started reading that inspired me to start my own blog.

nat the fat rat
First up: Nat. Surely you've heard of this brilliant being before. I can't say I've had much social media exchange with her, as she's what I like to call "a big kid" in this blogging world, but sometimes I feel like I know her the best out of everyone I follow. There's just something very magical about the way she lets her readers into her world while simultaneously allowing each and every one of us to feel valued and appreciated for being a part of it all. I wanna know how to do that. Not to mention the fact that she's so darn pretty and so is her writing. I really freaking hope for the day that I may run into her in NY. I might just beg her and Huck to let me tag along on their cookie quest or swing swingin' adventures. Natalie, if you should by the grace of goodness read this, I would like to plan an accidental run-in with you. That's all I want for Christmas really, thanks.

a blog about love

Then there's Danny & Mara. Oh, wow. These two. So ok. This is what happened. Before I even started my blog and before I even read any, I was trying to figure out what a blog even was. And once I got that part sort of figured out (barely), I started browsing the net for specific blogs to give me a better idea. At some point, I typed into my google search: a blog about love. And what do you know? Danny and Mara's blog titled, A Blog About Love popped up and then filled my screen. I read one post and then started from the very beginning and read EVERY SINGLE post that followed after it. These two have quite the story to tell, and boy do they tell it. With such beauty and such abandonment. My experiences do not compare, and I am probably nowhere near as wise as they are, but.. I do believe that my purpose in this blogging world is very similar to theirs, in that, I want to share the love. I want to encourage and inspire and offer up everything I've learned in my life so far. I want to make a difference in other's lives, however big or small that difference may be. Thank you Danny and Mara for inspiring me. For restoring my faith that true love does exist: that it doesn't always mean fireworks and a never-ending honeymoon: that it starts with self-love and prospers with RESPECT and finding someone who holds the same values as you. And that the practice of hard work and patience and compassion is necessary and indefinite in all the we do. Thank you for touching my heart in ways that obviously... I'll never be able to stop talking about!

donuts dresses and dirt

This lady, Sheri. Who has shown me the kind of support that has really made me feel special and loved and gifted in so many ways. Believing in yourself is important and it's really all you've got at the end of the day, but man it helps a lot to have a cheerleader or two every now and then. Well, Sheri is mine :) And that's without the fact, that I love her swagger-filled blog and also feel like she is the kind of woman, who I could hang out with, even if she's a little bit older than me... not by much tho :) 

As a blogger she inspires me because she really does give back and show love to everyone she encounters. I mean truly. You guys should all follow her on Twitter. You'll be amazed by HOW MUCH goodness she shares, and also you'll be amazed by the THE GOODNESS SHE SHARES. 

Sheri, you inspire me to keep at doing what I love. And to keep recognizing and sharing the work of others CONSTANTLY as I move along. Thank you for all of this. 

good day regular people
And then we have Alexandra. 

Who I stumbled upon about five months ago while I was doing some research about the great big Blogher conference. I happened upon a collection of THE VOICE OF THE YEAR videos... which is an incredible event that takes place at said conference, and in those videos, was Alexandra's piece. I shared it already on my blog before, but since I only had about five readers at that point in time, I must share the goodness with you again here today. I've watched this at least ten times. There are no words for how wonderful I think this woman is. And how blessed I am to call her a reader! She reads and she writes to me and she promises hugs this summer at Blogher 2012. And I'm just a happy girl for all of these facts. 

Who is the craziest or funniest blogger?

In no particular order:

greetings from texas

mish lovin' life

hope squared
There is a reality TV show for bloggers, who do you want to be cast with?

These two hooligans. We would have our own show called YES, WE THINK WE CAN DANCE or BAND OF BLOGGERS... where we basically make our own gangster music and then dance to it. 
It could work. I mean just check out these stills. These moves are SICK. (Tho not as good as Alison's if you watched the video above... Alison, will you be in our dance crew please?)

www dot COOL dot net
nobody puts sarah in the corner
Favorite blog design?

secondhand sundays

Again. There are so many. How do you choose? Or how do you not choose and include all of them... when you make choices like I do to incorporate photos of each blogger with their names labeled? So much fun, but I have to go to work. So I'm going to only share 1 blogger who I actually just met via Twitter recently. I really like her.. and I hope she likes me too. But what I really reallllly like, is her blog design. It's pretty bangin'. Good job, Bekuh/can't wait to "hang" wit you some more. 

There's also Bethany who basically fits into all these categories. You can read all about her here. (Love you Bethany... thinking of you and wishing you well in Kuwait always! #glamgang )

And that's it! Like I said. So many other amazing friends I'm made in all of this (especially in the last couple months... you know who you are!), not a single one that deserves to be missed or not mentioned, please know this and that I love you all!!!!!! And I hope you'll join this link up as I think it's a really good one :)

I don't even know or follow the hosts of it... isn't that terrible?? Or maybe great. Because now I shall know them! Thank you Britt and Jessica!


what's in yo closet yo?

Hope Squared
Hey dudes. So, today's the big day. Today you get to meet MY CLOSET thanks to a link up some kidzzz and myself organized to showcase a few of our belongings. It wasn't limited to just articles of clothing, but for my presentation here, I decided to go with just that. Please bear with my vlogging skills as they are still blooming (ever-so slowly) as well as the quality of the vid--my dang mac fan has a loud mouth. Also, bear with the fact that I am ridiculous... and that my fashion sense is confusing. What can I say.. I like random shit. Finally, if you're interested, this particular vlog comes with a fun drinking game. It's called: have a drink every time Punky says the word "cool." Warning: hangover most likely to follow. Cheers!

My partners in hoarding: Miki, Emily, Justyn, and Jazmine. AND KJERSTIN who I didn't mention in the vid... sorry Kjerstin. ahhhh! Fail. (love you) (I was drunk when I was recording that whole thing and forgot.) (Just kidding. I wasn't drunk.) (I was just scared to pronounce your name wrong. True story.) (please don't hate meeee!)
Check dem beezys out + everyone else and then link up yourself, yo's! It'll be open all week! 


i believe. in online dating.

Mmmkays. Let's gather round for a sec and talk about online dating.

Come on, don't be scared. (I know you are secretly intrigued.)

For background and relational purposes, I will have you know that I've been in six "serious" relationships in my life. What constitutes "serious" in my book? Well, basically I had toothbrushes that lived in these hombre's bathrooms. Whether we were "officially" a couple or not, I don't care. I don't purchase/accept+leave toothbrushes in the bathroom's of those I don't view in a serious manner. (And for the record, I was officially a "couple" with four out of the six. Just sayin'.) (The other two were a couple of pansies afraid of commitment. Psh, whatever dudes.) (They missed out.) (Big time.)

Surely, all six of these ever-so charming characters will find their way into this little blog and/or future  plays of mine, but for now I would like to give mention to the sixth and last guy I was "serious" with.

His name was Blah Blah. But he went by Blah. (Up top if you get that reference.) We only dated for about four months. But I kept a toothbrush in his bathroom. And deodorant. And shampoo. And a shit ton of bobby pins all over his place. If that's not enough, I also met his whole family. K, so in my book: serious. And you know what else? We didn't meet in a cooking class. We met online.

I repeat: We met online.

Now. Would I be lyin' if I said I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed to admit this to people at first? Yes. Cause I was ashamed and I was embarrassed. So I didn't tell people I met Blah Blah online. Instead, I told people I met Blah Blah through a friend.

Not to be hatin' or puttin' down anyone who turns to the internet in search for a soul mate, but I just always considered to be "better" than all of that. And although that is a messed up thing to say, it's an honest thing to say. In general, I'm not someone who has ever really struggled to meet or get attention from men. Not only am I a go-getter through and through, but also, I go out a lot. I don't sit around and wait for boys to come to me. I go to them as well. I wave my hands and use my words and I get their attention. And good things have come from all of that. I've dated a lot of men that I didn't in my wildest dreams ever imagine dating, all thanks to a little bit of confidence and a whole lot of courage.

This is not to say, I haven't gone through some dry spells where I just didn't run into anybody interesting or decent at the library. (I've never met anyone at the library. But my friend Sarah Jaye has. So it is possible.) I've gone through dry spells. And in those dry spells, the online dating has been suggested to me. To which I have responded with, "Uh, online dating..? Yeah, OK."

Cause to me, online dating was a practice reserved for those who were maybe more shy or couldn't get the attention of others as easily. Or, to put it bluntly.. weirdos and creeps. Again, not to sound like a total asshole, but if you had asked me a couple years ago how I felt about online dating, I probably would have said, "for losers." Which is completely awful and hypocritical given the fact that there once was a time when I had a Myspace page and was exchanging messages with random boys from neighboring villages such as Moorpark and Camarillo, which essentially falls under the category of "online dating". Granted I never met up with them in real life, but the subject lines of those messages most certainly said things like "hey cutie" and "what's your a/s/l, sweetie"..... and I most certainly responded to them. So yeah, if online dating is for losers, well, that means I, myself, was a loser too. So yeah. Also, I'm like twelve kinds of weird, so really, I should just shut it.

But still, it took me a long time to get over the stigma of it all. It wasn't until probably about a year ago that I found myself more and more willing to swallow my own pride as I started hearing more stories about how so-and-so met so-and-so online and how it's totally becoming a "normal and acceptable thing."

 Finally, one September evening after returning home from what felt like the 28347th bachelorette party in a row, I crawled into my empty bed, fixed myself a glass bottle of wine, and said,

"fuck it. I'm signing up for MATCH."

[ Sidenote: This is not a sponsored post by MATCH.COM (But it should be.) ]

And that's what happened. That night I set up a profile on Match and in the moment I thought, "Oh, I am going to regret this in the morning." But surprisingly, I did not. And in fact, the next night, when I wasn't drunk off wine, I went even further by purchasing a three month membership so that I could have full access to correspond and view everyone's profiles. Yeah, imagine that... I PAID MONEY to do online dating. Ha.

And did I honestly think I was going to meet somebody awesome and normal and super attractive? Uh, not really. Was I hopeful? A little. Mostly? I figured I would meet some crazy characters and that it would all make for some good stories to someday tell.

As it turns out? The very FIRST and only person I met on Match (in the very first hour of that second evening, mind you).. I dated for four months. THE VERY FIRST! And guess what? I MESSAGED HIM. And guess what else. He was awesome and normal and SUPER attractive. No, SUPER DUPER attractive. And we had some mad compatibility, yo. I'm still convinced to this day, that he is one of the most compatible dudes I've ever dated, and also, one of the hottest. Obviously, in the end, it didn't work out between the two of us...for other unique and complicated reasons. But that's besides the point.

The point is, online dating can work. You can meet normal, attractive people. And it's not strange. And it's not for losers. And I stand by that 100%. In fact, I would totally one day, when I'm ready to step out on the dating scene again, be willing to give the online dating thing another shot. Absolutely.

Cause here's the thing. Online dating is a pretty brilliant thing. You can basically go online, and look for exactly what it is you want. Without even having to go on a full on date with someone you can rule them out within seconds just by reading their profile. Something as small as reading the fact that they don't want kids someday or that they already have kids or that they smoke or  that they are a Jehovah's Witness... learning those things right off the bat can save you a whole lot of awkwardness, drama, and time it would take to discover those things over a course of one or more dates.

Not only does online dating allow you to pursue someone you're generally interested in, but it also allows you to do so from the comfort of your own home! That's right. Forget about getting all dressed up and going out to some raunchy bar to put up with a few d-bags before you hit a potential winner. You can simply chill at home, in your PJs and send some pretty face with a witty profile a simple, "Hey." And if they respond, great! If they don't, whatevs. No serious embarrassment there, just seek out someone else. And in the meantime, enjoy all the ridiculous messages you receive!

I think by now you guys are all aware of my Wes Anderson addiction. Well, I happened to mention so in my Match profile. I always enjoy including this obsession of mine everywhere I go since it's not only a big part of my taste in art and  humor, but also fact, that if you love WA, we'll probably get along super well. Anyway, true story, I got one message in particular from some smooth and knowledgable chap that said:

"Oooo I love Wes Anderson too! There Will Be Blood is one of my all-time favorites!"

Big LOLs & Tip: if you are ever going to pretend like you know what someone is talking about when it comes to films, at least IMDB that shit beforehand to double check. Thanks.

Another thing about the online dating: You know that the majority of people on there are looking for something more than just sex. Unlike all the d bags and even the potential winner at the bar. They're normal, everyday workin' people who are probably smart, attractive, and educated (give or take a few, of course, like Mr. There Will Be Blood.... still LOLing.), that just haven't found the right person, whether it be because they are shy or they don't get out much, or they're new in town, or they are in fact a creep (which you still have to obviously watch out for.) And when you do happen to receive a message or a response from an interesting character like I did... it's pretty neat. Like I said, Blah Blah was the first and only guy I met through Match and when he sent me that first response I was surprised and excited, and really just impressed. We messaged back and forth non-stop for a good week until we finally met in person, and let me just say... I had a pretty disgusting smile stuck on my face that whole week. It was just so fun getting to know a person through a series of online messages and text messages. It was like my very own You've Got Mail episode or Danny & Mara party. It was great.

As I already pointed out, things didn't work out with Blah Blah and I, but the short time we spent together was special. I look back with fond memories, and I cherish the way in which we connected with one another.

Bottom line: I think the whole online dating this is LEGIT.

And if you still don't buy it, take a minute to think about blogging (if you're a blogger), and all the wonderful people you've connected with. I think my dear friend Alexandra made a great point in saying that blogging is like for friends. If we can all click onto each other's blogs and find things that we have in common to bring us to our bloggy bff-ness with one another, couldn't we do the very same with a dating profile? I say yes. Most indeed.

How do you feel about online dating? Have you ever tried it? Any success stories? Any funny stories?? I would love to hear!! Please comment and share :) And as always,  feel free to e-mail me for any advice or tips on dating. I'm always happy to share what I know and what I've learned.

***Also, I'm baaaaack. Thanks for all the love and support this past weekend. After some much needed sun and time away from my computer, I think it's safe to say I've passed-go the weird funk I had found myself in. Let's get this blog party started (again.)!!!



Hey friends, just want to say thank you for the love this morning. As per many of your suggestions, I'm going to hit pause on the 'ol blog and social media world for a few days.

Although my post this very early morning was real, it also felt as though I was coming across as a nagging monster. So I deleted it. Because that's not what this is place if for. This place is for positivity, and showcasing my writing, and yes being real and letting you know that I'm not just some random girl who is super courageous and on top of everything all the time, but my intention is to do so tastefully and not in a 3am/whinny/I'm a tired-hot-mess as I type sort of way. If you guys are interested in reading all about how I'm not a perfect cookie, I welcome you to do so formally here. (<----if I had known there was going to be a "things I'm afraid to tell you" assembly at any point, I probably would have saved that specific post for it. ha. That was truly one of the most difficult things I have ever put out into the world for anyone to read. Difficult and ultimately freeing.)

Additionally, I've been getting more of the common questions about my move, which I was planning on personally responding to.. but I think these posts here and here say it all much better than my present self could.

Thank you all for being understanding as I work through this pre-move anxiety & search for pennies under the couch (that part of the movement still remains intact). I'll be brb soon: I promise.



living in the in between stage. with no make up & an old pair of P.E. shorts

Lately, I've been leaving my house in sweats, no make up, and greasy hair from the gym last night. It's a hot look for me, and I love how sweet fate is to have me running into people I haven't seen in years at Peet's Coffee to catch just how hot that look really is.

And then just when I think I've managed to side swipe the embarrassing small talk that usually goes like this: "yeah, I've gotten WAY hot since the last time you saw me circa 2005, I know... I mean check out these pajama bottoms.. and oh yeah, this is an old P.E. shirt... I'm still rocking the 'ol high school pride, how about you?" "And yeah, I'm just in Ventura temporarily as I plan my move to NYC this summer." "Yeah, no. I'm not going for a job or school or anything." "I'm just going for fun. To live." "Ok. It was good seeing you too."

Except in my head I'm thinking... It was annoying to see you. I look like a hung over monster and I wasn't even drinking last night.. this is just how I look cause I woke up five minutes ago (at one in the afternoon/so what) and didn't feel like putting normal clothes on... or my face. 

Eh. At least I brushed my teeth.

And oh shit, I didn't even ask what you've been up to. What a jack ass. I mean. Do I really care? No. But I should at least remember to be polite and act as if I do. Lord help me. I'm a terrible person. With no make up on. 

Just when I think I've managed to side swipe all of that, I don't. It really goes down. And apparently I love it. I love it so much I allow for it to keep happening. Like three times a week or so.  

Welcome to the current life of Punky, returned home to Ventura temporarily as she gets ready to move to NYC, to her current status of caring less and less about her appearance in public, her social life, and making an impression on once upon a time high school peers. To her new trend of talking in third person.

Which she will end now.

I'm back in Ventura and it is strange. After being away for a good five years frolicking in other parts of Southern California, it's strange to be back now and living in this place again. Not that anything feels unfamiliar.. in fact, everything feels remarkably familiar. Almost like I never left. And so the strange-ness lays in the feeling distant and far removed from the last five years of my life, where I was living and breathing an entirely different life elsewhere. It's like those times in LA and Orange County didn't even happen, even though they were the most recent phases in my life. Kinda like two major life chapter relationships that I broke up with recently and blocked on Facebook, to forget forever. But I don't want to forget them, and the intention was never to block them at all. I just left and as hard as it's been to kind of let those places and those times go, I have. I have because I'm preparing for the next big thing. And it's bittersweet. It's bittersweet to be saying goodbye to one chapter in my life and hello to the next. I feel incredibly excited for all the new, brilliant and wonderful people I will meet, and sad for all the brilliant and wonderful people I will miss.

 I miss so many of them already.

I'm back in Ventura and it's been more than strange. It's been hard.

It's been hard trying to plan a move as big as this and not being near my closest friends who I have really come to know the past five years. I just want to spend as much time with them as I can before I leave. But most of them, if not all of them, live two hours away from where I sit now. And taking multiple day trips to the OC is just not practical or in my financial budget at the moment. And quite frankly, I've over that ugly and taxing drive. Six words when I leave California: Peace the F out 405 Freeway.

Cannot tell you how excited I am to be living in a city where I don't have to drive or have a car to get around.

Since I've moved back in December, I've been spending a lot of time alone. My closest and only friends have been my sisters (no complaints there), along with one high school friend I've managed to reconnect with and am so happy about (Hi Sami, we should hang out a few more time before I leave please!) Other than that, my friends have been you guys, my readers. And it's been really nice. It's been really nice to wake up every morning and feel connected to others just through a simple tweet or comment, and well, I don't want to go into the whole being really thankful for blogging thing again, but too late. I'm really thankful for this whole blogging thing, and how much it has saved me since I've moved back home. Cause as liberating as it has been to spend this much needed time with myself, reflecting and planning, and going to bed without another body beside me, it's also been at times, a bit lonely. And you guys have helped remind me that I do exist, I am cared for, and most of all, that I'm not alone.

And well, I don't know where I was even really going with this post to begin with, but I guess I just wanted to say thank you for thats.

And that maybe, I should care more about how I look when I go outside my home. But for the first time in my life I don't. Which in itself, is a liberating feeling too. I mean, yeah I hate myself for it when I gamble the odds of running into people I got rejected by to the Backwards Dance in high school and lose, but you know what? Whatever.

I'm moving to New York in less than 50 days, bitches!

With all that being said, let us dance! (In our PJs.)

p.s. small talk with anyone can bite me. I hate it.


Bethany MOVES to KUWAIT!

Hey so, you wanna know one of the reasons why I absolutely adore blogging? Because I stalk blogs and then successfully convince its authors to follow me back on Twitter. Echoed by joining cliques I randomly produce.

Meet Bethany. Victim (slash winner) to all of thee above. No lies: I stalked her blog for several months. Then called her out on not following me back on Twitter. (She then followed me back/cheers.) Only before she happily obliged, along with Alexandra of She is Red (another MUST READ.) to join what I have now dubbed the Glam Gang (double cheers). Which by the way, anyone and everyone is welcome to join.. all you have to do is be silly and loving. And hashtag glamgang everywhere you go. Easy.

Anyway. If you don't follow Bethany already, you should. Not only is she beautiful, smart and charming, but she's about to embark on a pretty impressive and unique new chapter in her life, which I am very honored to preview here today. And also follow in the time to come!

So grab yourself a capri sun (or margarita, whatever) and get pumped for the following Q&A!!! It's a goodie!

♥           ♥           ♥           ♥ 

  1. Tell us the name of your blog and what it's all about.

Rinse Repeat is where I share my life via photos and thoughts, however messy they might be. Lately, life is pretty messy since I'm about to move across the world! Usually my blog focuses on travel and capturing the quieter part of myself that's tough to share in person. It's where I've turned to write about depression, heartache and anxieties...but also crafts, recipes and lots of parties.

I try to keep it as light as possible, and when that fails I throw in some glitter! 'Cause glitter solves any problem, right?

2. More importantly, what are you all about? What do you do for fun aside from blog?

Well, I'm frequently on the Twitta' and Instagram, which reveals this: I'm all about little moments. For most of my life, I've lived in a small Wisconsin town and my life matched it. Growing up, life happened at a fairly slow pace and there was plenty of time to make little flower arrangements or giggle with girlfriends over magazines. I always imagined I'd mature out of this slow-paced life to become a powerful CEO. Ha! That' didn't happen. Aside from now getting my passport stamped on a regular basis, I remain the same dorky Midwestern girl. I love spending my days fidgeting with home decor, shopping, reading biographies and catching up on the latest episode of Downtown Abbey.

Truth: I am ultra normal, dare I say...boring, at times, girl who eats a little too much. My well-worn yoga pants prove it.

3. Word on the net is that you're moving to Kuwait....what's that all about? Are you excited? Scared? Is it your first time living outside of the U.S.?

The rumors are true! Soon I shall be mingling with the Kuwaitis! My husband specializes in IT on various military bases...his latest job has taken him to Kuwait for a year. I'll be really honest: Kuwait wasn't my first choice. And I may have cried a bit. I visited for two weeks earlier this year, so I know what I'm getting into! But for many, many reasons I'm so jazzed to be there. Living inside a culture other than my own will be eye-opening, I'm sure, and I hope it will deepen and challenge me.

But socially and creatively, it's a little shocking! Although I won't be want for Pizza Hut or IKEA--Kuwait's retail options are highly westernized--their customs are quite conservative. Examples from what I've been advised: no baring of knees, cleavage or shoulders and little to no photos in public. Oh, and try not to look men directly in the eyes, as they're likely to think you're flirting with them.

In other words, take what you do in the US...and do the EXACT opposite. ;) All that said, seeing my husband on a daily basis is going to be inexplicably fantastic.

4. If you could split a scone with any female actress, dead or alive, who would it be?

Hands down, Tina Fey...but as Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. In that case, we'd probably ditch the scones, change into sweatpants and head over to Cinnabon, where our platonic relationship would really soar to new heights. Liz Lemon is one of those characters with whom I simply relate: a lifetime of sketchy boyfriends, the mediocre job and recurring social awkwardness. I love it, I love it all.

5. If you could ride on a ferris wheel with any hunk, dead or alive, who would it be?

Can we all swear this is a judge-free zone? I'm on a ferris wheel and to my left is...Anderson Cooper. The hunky silver fox, whose daytime talk show I rarely miss. Nevermind that he's rumored to have a boyfriend. In my ferris wheel dreams he's wearing his typical Anderson button-up shirt, sexy black glasses...and he is really in to me. No, it's not your typical crush. But, I feel this can be explained by stating that my husband is ten years older than me and therefore I've totally stopped digging 20-something guys. Oh, the scandal! And by scandal I grandmother publically discussing my need to start "trying" for children now, lest my husband be 80 when our children graduate. Thanks, Gram.

Anyway...ahem. Anderson Cooper.

6. What are some other places in the world you'd love to travel to?

Oh, lord. Everywhere. Aside from wanting to revisit Ireland and France, I'm dying to hit Italy, England or Switzerland. But beachy locales like Bali, Greece and Sri Lanka are also on my list (after a few months of working out). I'd do almost anything for a passport stamp. Almost. Annnnnything.

7. Tell us a few of your favorite blogs. You know, the ones you click onto almost every day.

I wish I had a reader's MO to explain what I like: events, decor, personal, shopping...I'm a grab bag. For me it's a balance of pretty pictures, good stories and a pinch of personality! Here are a few of my faves!

Creature Comforts, Making it Lovely, Katie's Pencil Box, Lovely Little Details

8. Any guilty pleasures? Help us all feel less alone... share 'em!

Cake. Cake all day long. And here's where it gets dirty: it's not fancy wild flavors or special frosting. We're talking $2 slabs of chocolate cake from any old grocery store...and I've perfected the art of eat the entire thing in one sitting.

Beyond that, any reality love + dating show will catch my eye. We're talking The Bachelor, Millionaire Matchmaker, Love in the Wild, old reruns of Temptation Island. I'm fully aware that I'm too intelligent and well-behaved to watch this filth. But, I just cannot stop. If there's love and people behaving badly...I'm hooked.

9. Bob or Jillian?

Bob, please! I'm such a soft, emotional person, and not necessarily the most motivated. Jillian would break me into four thousand tiny pieces, and leave me crying on the floor. Bob has a sweetness to him which could likely lead to a few extra trips to Subway if I were well-behaved.

♥           ♥           ♥           ♥ 

Hey now, see what I mean... is this girl cool or what.

I really hope you guys will take the time to hop on over to B's blog and drop her some love as she leaves for Kuwait TODAY!

Oh and one last thing... a farewell vlog for my friend :)

Vlogging.....definitely not my style, but every several days after a solar eclipse I'm happy to showcase some awkwardness for a blogging friend who is moving continents away. So, Bethany, this is for you!

And thank gooodness that our third GG mate, Alexandra, joined me in making a fooool of myself ! Haha. Thank you, A DIDDY !! :)

Bethany, we looooove you!


Post Edit: You guys. You MUST click on the link above and watch Alexandra's vlog. Homegirl did anything but make a fool of herself. She made me cry. It was that beautiful and heart felt. And dang it, now I'm just embarrassed of my silly little vee log above! Haha, YIKES.

All ok though. More than anything, I just sit here completely touched. This blogging world is so good. I am a million kinds of grateful for the friends I've made. Bethany. Alexandra. Everyone. All of you. You all make my heart smile. Day after day. Thank you.