xmas miracles in september.

I think I have an angel friend looking over me or something.

No, but seriously.

I really think I do.

I cried last night for a little bit. They weren't sad tears. They were happy ones. Maybe slightly exhausted ones too. It reminded me of the time when a former boss of mine (who I miss and admire so very much) broke down for a second after opening a brand new restaurant, and I remember thinking, "Why is this champ crying right now. She fucking did it. She opened this beautiful restaurant. What are these tears?" Like a mind reader, my other boss who was standing right there, responded, "She's ok. She's just tired. It's been a lot of work, and now it's finished. We're open."

That's kind of how I feel right now. It's like a happy-tired mixed with an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. And gratitude. I'm not always feeling God/Jesus/religion/praying and all that--I'll be honest about it, but man, I've done some serious praying since I started this trek and not only have things really worked out for me in general, but this week alone I've seen some specific prayers of mine be blatantly answered.

Have you guys ever prayed for specific things, and seen miracles happen? I love those kinds of stories. Please share them in the comments if you do :)

I have to tell you that I made some poor choices over the weekend. Some of it has made for a good story or two, but overall, I've decided the good story or two really weren't worth it. A good night to remember is one where you don't lose your friends, where your light-weight characteristics don't eat you up alive after only four drinks, where you started drinking for happy reasons rather than sad ones to begin with, and where you don't fall down on the sidewalk and wake up with cuts and bruises and holes in your very expenses pair of Hue tights. A good night is one where you stay classy, Ventura County. Not stupid and irresponsible. I'm still limping and suffering from that one night alone. And even though that single event has some funny notes, it wasn't worth it. It really wasn't.

Thankfully, my angel friend was present that night. Cause in the movement of losing my friends, I found myself in the company of an entirely new one who was kind enough to get inside a cab with me at three in the morning/hold my hair back in my own bathroom/and tuck me into my own bed. And in all of that, not rape, kill, or steal from me. That's a good fucking Samaritan right there. Thank you, very kind girl for taking care of me. And thank you to the other very dear friend who answered my drunk calls in the middle of night and didn't judge me for being a sloppy mess for the evening.

Those kinds of stories are not so usual for me. And I'm not proud of it. But, I tell you so that you can be rest assured that young ladies do sometimes go out and make an ass of themselves. They do sometimes go out and drink too much. They do sometimes make poor choices. And even though, I sit here now, singing,  "I'm never drinking again." I know that of course I will. I just need to be more wise about it in the future. Having something to eat before four shots of whiskey is probably a good idea. So are mixed drinks instead of just shots (wtf were me and my friends thinking?). So is not drinking simply because I'm in an emotional pickle. Don't do that. You'll always end up drinking more than you want to, or can. And it's just downright dangerous. Especially for a girl. I'm very lucky that I walked out of that bar with a kind stranger holding my hand. Very lucky.

Again, my parents probably aren't amused reading this. But for the sake of keeping it real, there it is.

[End Angel On My Shoulder Event #1]

Angel On My Shoulder Event #2

Landed an awesome new sublet for the months of October/November. As you know, I was hoping to find a more long-term situation/lease starting October, but decided it might be more wise to just go for one more sublet before I signed anything more official. This will also give me more time to save money for a security deposit and find a living situation that fits me and caters well to my writing rituals and necessities-- a comfortable and peaceful space is so important for a little writer-- I'm sure all of you know it. So-with all of that being said, I'll be migrating back to Astoria soon, and I couldn't be more excited/relieved. It's a nice space in a nice hood, and I quite fancy the NQR train line. It's much cleaner than the 1/2/3 and I just love those high-tech boards that tell you what stop is next, even though, I'm excited to say I'm relying on those boards less and less. Three cheers for becoming more and more of a New Yorker!

Anyway, the trouble here was that I had just the right amount of the money to hand over to lock down this space. And when I say just the right amount, I mean, I actually needed a couple hundred dollars more to hand over. I made plans to give money on Thursday night, and then realized that I was short and wouldn't have money coming in again until Friday, the day after. Not a huge deal-was probably gunna call my sister to spot me the money for a day or just call the dude I'm subletting from and see if he could wait till Friday for the money instead. Plus, I had last night's serving shift which, yesterday, I was thinking, "Who knows. Maybe it can save me. Fat chance since it's Rosh Hashanah & Monday-- it'll probably be really slow. But who knows." Following that thought, I said a little prayer: Dear God, please let me make two thousand dollars tonights. Please. If not, then two hundred would do. Thanks.

And then I went to work. And indeed it was slow. I probably would have made $50. But then something crazy happened. One of my tables decided to go crazy and spend over a grand on a casual family dinner. Oh, and then tip me almost $500.

Yeah. I got a $460 tip last night.

To date: that is largest single tip I have ever received in my life waiting tables.

And the craziest part: I didn't even really bond with the table. I didn't tell them anything about me, my life, my situation, nothing.

I just did my job.

I just prayed to God for something. Went to work, and did my job.

And that happened.

Tell me you agree: there's a fucking Angel on my shoulder.

I got off work last night and I walked thirty blocks thanking Jesus, God, the universe. Took some instagrams, and cried a little.

But they were happy tears. Somehow all of this is still working out. Heck, I'm still getting over the shock of being able to make ANY of it work to begin with.

Now I've got two more months to my name. Two more months of play, new friends, and MILKSHAKES. (Whiskey and I are on a mad break. Indefinitely.)

The hard work will continue these next sixty days, but how good it feels to know I got this-that the universe has my back, and that despite my bruised knee, my tight funds, my insane work schedule, and my lonely after-work strolls--I'm feeling joy. True joy.

Cause I'm working it out, y'all!

I'm open.

Give me what comes next.


  1. You go Punky! I can't tell you how excited I am for you and the success of your journey. I'm also so incredibly envious of your writing and how it not only evokes the reader to have MAD love for you but is so refreshingly honest and open. That post about your weekend has so many of us nodding that we've been there too (oh just me? eek). I'm so happy you've got people watching over you in New York and I'm loving every post about your journey!

    P.S. Don't forget to pay it forward. Find yourself a drunk girl this weekend and help her out too!


  2. AWESOME. That angel's just roamin around your back saving your life! awesome.

  3. That is so wonderful! I'm so glad you've got such an awesome angel watching over you. Yay for two more months! I too have had nights like that. And yes, it is usually due in a big part to not eating dinner first. An empty stomach is never your friend when it comes to alcohol! But it is always your friend when it comes to milkshakes :) Hope the rest of your week is lovely.

  4. Oh my gosh, I was crying as I read this. So close to home. I don't know if it's just that everything about the city is so much more intense and hits more deeply but I swear every drink I had there was like 600 times more potent than any drink I've had anywhere else ever.

    New York City has you, girl. And I literally mean that in the "The Hangover 2" "Bangkok has him" sense of that phrase. So jealous.

    1. Haha, Kate! My lonely ass finally watched The Hangover 2 the other night--So I can totally appreciate your remark here. Friends from that night and I have also been joking all week long, referring to that night as Hangover status. We ALL lost each other that night and woke up the next morning beat up. On that note, it was a funny experience.

      I love you! Thanks for feeling me. Now is the time for you to get your ass back out here and do the damn thing with me, woman!!

    2. e Jen!!! Can't tell you how many 'GOD' moments I have had. You go girl. I don't get much time to browse the net much between the kiddies and work but reading your blog is always a pleasure. Be safe hun!

  5. this is awesome. sounds like you're really killing it in NYC! and we have all had those nights drinking, so glad you had a friend looking out for you! learning experiences.. :)

  6. I will pray for angels to continue to watch over you.

    Did you know that you could do that? It's true. The words are, "call upon his angels and command them to watch over you."

    That's what I"m doing right after I finish this comment.

    Take care, lady.

    Lots of us love you out here.

  7. YAYYY!!! I'm so glad you've got angels all around you! I love that God provided for you when you asked, so beautiful! I will continue to keep you in my prayers and do a little dance of excitement for you today! ;)

  8. So wonderful to read!!! I can definitely relate because of some of my own experiences where I'm 100% God was involved....there just isn't enough space in the comments section to share :) I love hearing other people talk about their miracles; it keeps me going, so thank you for sharing.

  9. This is awesome!! That is a HUUUGE tip! I mean, my god! Congratulations on your success!

  10. What amazing stories! My favorite is the second Angel story. I love the quote "God helps people that help themselves". As long as you are going out and working hard, he will bless you!!! I'm glad you are happy and living the life in NY :)

  11. holy shit, dude. it's all working out. so so happy for you. and totally thankful for you for that girl that saved your ass. I liked the first commentor's reminder: pay it forward, in any way you can :)

  12. This story just made me smile- not the drunkie part- I have had that happen a few times...ok ok, more than a few times. But how lucky that you met a nice person to help you. They're out there, and because of them, I've tried to be one any chance I get.

    I'm so glad, and so proud with you Punky- keep on kickin' NY booty! I just posted about our latest trip to NY, I kept kinda wishing that you were there back in April so we could have met up! Wouldn't that be freakin' sweet?!

  13. I've just recently found your blog and have been reading a little, plus I'm following you Instagram, but here's why..

    I was you. And, I'm about to do it again soon (except this time in the UK) Your dreams are big and you didn't have nothing to accomplish them with, but you did it. I see so much of me in what you;re doing and it refreshes me that there are other people out there who live their dreams. They don't just sit back and wish it would happen, they do it! I don't know you from Adam honestly. I'm not really a popular blog person, but I'm that random universal person out there who gets it, and I'm pretty fuckin' glad you did it! I hope it all goes just as you want it!

  14. That's a miracle right there. Things like a $460 tip don't just fall on your lap on a Monday. Just sayin'. I'm happy things are working out for you, Punky!

  15. congrats jen! I am so stoked for you. take credit- you rock! miss ya <3

  16. Seriously gave me chills. I'm so beyond happy for you that you are making things work! Makes me wish I was in NYC to experience it all with you. And I feel you on the whiskey nights... I've had some of my best and worst memories on nights like those. And now I feel like I need to be a grown up and have fewer whiskey nights despite the memories that my come from them.

  17. This post makes my little fleeing and soul searching heart so effing proud of you. I'm not a big prayer but I do believe in positive thinking. If you want it badly enough - it'll happen. Keep thinking this way and you'll be golden. Wait you're already golden. Maybe bronze. That's expensive right? Shit. I'm rambling. Should I send you new hue tights?

  18. This is awesome. I really freaking admire you and it's been fun to watch you make your dreams come true via this blog, twitter, and IG. Stories like this make life awesome- especially when the one receiving these moments is smart enough to recognize cool shit is working out for them :) I'm not a religious person but I definitely like to acknowledge that sometimes, something is giving me a leg up :)

  19. This is freaking awesome!!!
    Hope all is well,
    SierraOh, Just Living the Dream

  20. I'm a big believer in trusting the universe (wow for some reason it just took me 8 tries to spell "universe" correctly). That's AMAZING about the tip - it just means you are in the place you need to be!! And OH GIRL... I've had my share of too many drunken nights so don't feel too bad - just live and learn! Shit happens.. but thank god for good people that take care of us and get us through those times! xoxo

  21. I'm loving your blog. I'm pretty sure I've already told you that I moved to LA from a small town a little over three years ago, and it's definitely tough. I can totally relate to some of your experiences! And, it's amazing that things worked out for you in the above situations -- it's so wonderful when that happens!

  22. I recently prayed for an specific thing to happen in the week , dad and i applied for the Spanish visa to finally live with mom the three of us together again .. and the embassy office people said we have to wait for the final answer for about a term of 3 months .. so we wait and we wait and we keep waitin' propably for over 2 months mom was already a little desperate and ansious we are christian family therefore I deeply belive God hears us all when it comes from our hearts, a true and pure pray . I have to admit i was being a Hypocrite i used to pray to god asking him to make his will when it came down to the visa but at the same time i was like "but you know that I want it to be approve just to let you know" somehow I Was Telling him "Do IT BECAUSE IS WHAT I WANT" for reasons and things that happened to me during the last week I understood I was praying In such bad way and realized that God has not always given me what i wanted but what i needed and what was best for me . and i always end up amazingly gratefull sometimes its hard to understand why things don't work out the way we'd planned them but in future we go like man thank God I had to work that night or whatever that happens in your life ..

    Now to the meat of the thing.

    I prayed asking for his will to be done in my life sincerely not hoping for yes .. hoping for his will to be done, the days were running by and a friend sent to me and other friends a message saying "My girls, this week please be alert to what happens in your life , so that next weekend each of you , would say a time of the week where you have seen God work, be vigilant , I know something it's gonna happen. Much Love Pioji " I believe so hard in that message I knew i wasn't going to wait any longer for that final answer that was the week for a yes or a no , so I pray alot for God to answer that week .. and finally on Friday I Got The Answer It's a Yesssssssss !!! we have the visa ... All the Praise Goes Out to him.. and I'm so happy because he gave me the opportunity to see that is not about what i want but he wants for me..
    God Bless you All
    Hugs Melanie From Colombia ;)


Your comments make my day! I read each and every one of them and try to deliver a response to as many as I can! Unless there's a discussion going, I will usually reach back to you via e-mail. Thank you for your willingness to speak and share your thoughts :) You is dope.