unofficial essay titled 'the truth about moving to a new city.'

I've been plotting to write a new essay titled "The Truth About Moving to a New City".

As you can see, I've decided to sit my ass down finally do the damn thing. However, if my honesty may have shotgun as usual, I'll go right on to admit that now wouldn't be the most fair of times to give a wholesome packet of insight. Nope, nope, nope. Certainly not as I lay pathetically in the Boston Cream center of what many have dubbed, "the homesick phase" in this little big city move of mine. 

I haven't moved very much from my bed the last few weeks. No, I'm not dying. And yes there was just like this huge Hurricane (which by the way really deserves the entire spotlight in any post at the moment. Praise God, I'm safe and ok. Also Happy Halloween.), but Sandy can only be held responsible for the last few bedridden days. As for the weeks preceding the storm: I've been in a monstrous funk.

Perhaps my on-again/off-again mild depression is to blame for this. Or exhaustion. Though I don't really think it can be that anymore, as I've certainly gotten myself caught up on sleep. I think it's just straight up home-sickness. Mixed in with what I like to call the mid 20s blues. You know, the whole... I'm 25-that's-five-years-away-from-thirty-and-I'm-completely-single-and-still-waiting-tables-with-like-not-very-much-money-in-my-checking-account-STILL-and-living-on-the-other-side-of-the-country-miles-and-miles-away-from-home-WHY-no-but-really-WTF-am-I-doing-in-New-York-City.

Eh, maybe that's just my own bullshit I'm spitting.

All I'm trying to say here is, the last few weeks have been very hard. Though I can feel proud and relieved to say my pockets are more financially stable, my mental and emotional state are having some problems. Lord knows I know it, but I've been escaping it all by hiding in bed with my Netflix and candy.

*ahem* Walking Dead and Hart of Dixie. Can I just say: I freaking love Rachel Bilson. 

As a result of this, I've gained a whopping ten pounds and have been dealing with said facts by doing nothing more than...eating more. Damn you, Maxim Cover, I don't think we'll be hanging out anytime soon. 

Needless to say:

I miss California. 

I miss freeways and driving in my car.

I miss driving my car especially after work when all I want is a little peace and quiet and direct control of how quickly I'd like to get home. In other words, not getting out of work at nearly 2 a.m. and having to walk blocks to the train station and then wait half an hour for my train to arrive only to get onto the one car where some homeless man threw up all over himself. Or the other car that is crowded with drunk hooligans migrating to their next Friday night event, screaming in my ear as if that's the sort of treat I'd like to follow my long evening of playing the patience game with the diners of New York City.

I miss not worrying about having to carry an umbrella all the time or buying ANOTHER one because I forgot mine again, or because the one I did remember to bring got STOLEN at DSW while I was trying on shoes. (Yeah that happened.)

I miss 70 degrees, all day every day. It's not even cold yet, and I'm freezing.

I miss the comfort of having a space that is mine. Not someone else's. Mine. With my things, my books, my DVDs, my pillows, and no calendar to remind me that I have ten days or less to pack up and find a new space to momentarily crash. 

I miss my friends. All of them. My OC friends. My LA friends. My hometown friends. And you guys-my blog friends. Truly, it's been so sad to have lost my rhythm with this blog and to have not been able to connect with all of you as much as I was able to before I came out here. I've just been up and down and everywhere in between with everything lately, it's been hard to keep up with all of this. Thanks for  sticking around despite my absence and for checking in. It really means more to me than any of you could ever know. Seriously, cause I have this huge fear of people forgetting about me. Which is a conflict of interests when my nature is to move around a lot, and away from people I've grown close to.

Mostly I miss my family. 

My sisters. Those biatches are my best friends, and it sucks to not be able to get fro-yo with them whenever the day calls for a good large cup of Yogurtland. 

I miss hugging my parents. 

I miss my little brother.

I miss Kevin at the gym.

I miss the fact that I was getting really freaking RIPPED there for a minute, like seriously- I WAS IN THAT GYM almost every day. 

Now I'm paying $90/month for a gym out here that I never go to because it's just a downright hassle getting to and from ANYWHERE in this city, and for the first time I'm really struggling-like really struggling- to adapt. 

Yes, that's an awful lot of bitching right there, I know, but my overall point was to simply state the following.

The truth about moving to a new city is that... it ain't easy. 

Any mama or papa could have let you in on that little secret already, but I'm here to confirm- it's ain't. Especially a coast to coast move. I'm the furthest away I've ever been from everything I know and everyone I love.

And ya know what. Lately, I've been feeling just downright foolish for it. Foolish for coming out here simply to live-not for school or for corporate America, but for me. Because I wanted to do something crazy and different. And while I do celebrate my triumphs, I feel guilty and sad when this choice has come with missing out on other things. Like my good friend's wedding and the holidays at home, and my mom's 50th birthday which is approaching in December. I'm missing these important things in life.. things that aren't going to happen twice. And for what? I start to second guess my decisions to come out here and in those moments I feel stuck and helpless. Suddenly, looking up and tapping my feet at the tall buildings isn't enough. I miss home. And I feel lost all over again.

But then I try to remember that I'm suppose to be feeling all of these things. That I can't be everywhere at once. That holidays do in fact come around every year. That my friends do forgive me for being miles away, (I hope). That my mission was in fact to challenge myself. That coming out here simply "to live" was not something to feel foolish about, but rather proud of. Because how many young folks really get up and move across the country just on the desire to go somewhere new, even when they were perfectly fine where they already were. 

And the great thing to remember: That I can go back any time I want. Next week if I wanted to.

But I won't. Because I've worked really hard to get here, and I owe to myself to at least stick around a little longer and see what comes of this city. To really take some deep breaths, get out of bed, enjoy what this city has to offer (which is A LOT) and then come home and practice my discipline, rain or shine, to sit down and blog about it. Because even in my absence here, you guys continue to write to me and reach out to me and show interest in what I have to say and how I'm doing. And I want to share as much of this journey with you as I possibly can.There's been so much I've left out. A lot of which is much happier and cheerful than everything I've presented here this evening. As promised: A shoutout to S, who has absolutely been my best friend in this city-- I can't wait for you all to meet/read about my Bronx buddy who's been so wonderful and fun :)

It's a new month, and almost a new year soon. 

Consider this a head start to writing a new normal. And eventually an official essay titled "The Truth About Moving to a New City." Along with a new series of frequent posts. Seriously. Bring on the bloggy. I'VE MISSED YOU GUYS!

P.S. The aftermath of this storm is quite devastating for many. Lots of homes have been lost and damaged, many are without power still. I'm kind of a dick to even be complaining about anything right now-I suppose Sandy has helped me realized in ways that I need to stop feeling sad and sorry for myself, go outside and make the best of a situation that yes, is challenging, but far from terrible. I apologize for any insensitivity this post brings to everything going on outside of my own personal bubble. 

Bethany MOVES to KUWAIT!

Hey so, you wanna know one of the reasons why I absolutely adore blogging? Because I stalk blogs and then successfully convince its authors to follow me back on Twitter. Echoed by joining cliques I randomly produce.

Meet Bethany. Victim (slash winner) to all of thee above. No lies: I stalked her blog for several months. Then called her out on not following me back on Twitter. (She then followed me back/cheers.) Only before she happily obliged, along with Alexandra of She is Red (another MUST READ.) to join what I have now dubbed the Glam Gang (double cheers). Which by the way, anyone and everyone is welcome to join.. all you have to do is be silly and loving. And hashtag glamgang everywhere you go. Easy.

Anyway. If you don't follow Bethany already, you should. Not only is she beautiful, smart and charming, but she's about to embark on a pretty impressive and unique new chapter in her life, which I am very honored to preview here today. And also follow in the time to come!

So grab yourself a capri sun (or margarita, whatever) and get pumped for the following Q&A!!! It's a goodie!

♥           ♥           ♥           ♥ 

  1. Tell us the name of your blog and what it's all about.

Rinse Repeat is where I share my life via photos and thoughts, however messy they might be. Lately, life is pretty messy since I'm about to move across the world! Usually my blog focuses on travel and capturing the quieter part of myself that's tough to share in person. It's where I've turned to write about depression, heartache and anxieties...but also crafts, recipes and lots of parties.

I try to keep it as light as possible, and when that fails I throw in some glitter! 'Cause glitter solves any problem, right?

2. More importantly, what are you all about? What do you do for fun aside from blog?

Well, I'm frequently on the Twitta' and Instagram, which reveals this: I'm all about little moments. For most of my life, I've lived in a small Wisconsin town and my life matched it. Growing up, life happened at a fairly slow pace and there was plenty of time to make little flower arrangements or giggle with girlfriends over magazines. I always imagined I'd mature out of this slow-paced life to become a powerful CEO. Ha! That' didn't happen. Aside from now getting my passport stamped on a regular basis, I remain the same dorky Midwestern girl. I love spending my days fidgeting with home decor, shopping, reading biographies and catching up on the latest episode of Downtown Abbey.

Truth: I am ultra normal, dare I say...boring, at times, girl who eats a little too much. My well-worn yoga pants prove it.

3. Word on the net is that you're moving to Kuwait....what's that all about? Are you excited? Scared? Is it your first time living outside of the U.S.?

The rumors are true! Soon I shall be mingling with the Kuwaitis! My husband specializes in IT on various military bases...his latest job has taken him to Kuwait for a year. I'll be really honest: Kuwait wasn't my first choice. And I may have cried a bit. I visited for two weeks earlier this year, so I know what I'm getting into! But for many, many reasons I'm so jazzed to be there. Living inside a culture other than my own will be eye-opening, I'm sure, and I hope it will deepen and challenge me.

But socially and creatively, it's a little shocking! Although I won't be want for Pizza Hut or IKEA--Kuwait's retail options are highly westernized--their customs are quite conservative. Examples from what I've been advised: no baring of knees, cleavage or shoulders and little to no photos in public. Oh, and try not to look men directly in the eyes, as they're likely to think you're flirting with them.

In other words, take what you do in the US...and do the EXACT opposite. ;) All that said, seeing my husband on a daily basis is going to be inexplicably fantastic.

4. If you could split a scone with any female actress, dead or alive, who would it be?

Hands down, Tina Fey...but as Liz Lemon from 30 Rock. In that case, we'd probably ditch the scones, change into sweatpants and head over to Cinnabon, where our platonic relationship would really soar to new heights. Liz Lemon is one of those characters with whom I simply relate: a lifetime of sketchy boyfriends, the mediocre job and recurring social awkwardness. I love it, I love it all.

5. If you could ride on a ferris wheel with any hunk, dead or alive, who would it be?

Can we all swear this is a judge-free zone? I'm on a ferris wheel and to my left is...Anderson Cooper. The hunky silver fox, whose daytime talk show I rarely miss. Nevermind that he's rumored to have a boyfriend. In my ferris wheel dreams he's wearing his typical Anderson button-up shirt, sexy black glasses...and he is really in to me. No, it's not your typical crush. But, I feel this can be explained by stating that my husband is ten years older than me and therefore I've totally stopped digging 20-something guys. Oh, the scandal! And by scandal I mean...my grandmother publically discussing my need to start "trying" for children now, lest my husband be 80 when our children graduate. Thanks, Gram.

Anyway...ahem. Anderson Cooper.

6. What are some other places in the world you'd love to travel to?

Oh, lord. Everywhere. Aside from wanting to revisit Ireland and France, I'm dying to hit Italy, England or Switzerland. But beachy locales like Bali, Greece and Sri Lanka are also on my list (after a few months of working out). I'd do almost anything for a passport stamp. Almost. Annnnnything.

7. Tell us a few of your favorite blogs. You know, the ones you click onto almost every day.

I wish I had a reader's MO to explain what I like: events, decor, personal, shopping...I'm a grab bag. For me it's a balance of pretty pictures, good stories and a pinch of personality! Here are a few of my faves!

Creature Comforts, Making it Lovely, Katie's Pencil Box, Lovely Little Details

8. Any guilty pleasures? Help us all feel less alone... share 'em!

Cake. Cake all day long. And here's where it gets dirty: it's not fancy cake...no wild flavors or special frosting. We're talking $2 slabs of chocolate cake from any old grocery store...and I've perfected the art of eat the entire thing in one sitting.

Beyond that, any reality love + dating show will catch my eye. We're talking The Bachelor, Millionaire Matchmaker, Love in the Wild, old reruns of Temptation Island. I'm fully aware that I'm too intelligent and well-behaved to watch this filth. But, I just cannot stop. If there's love and people behaving badly...I'm hooked.

9. Bob or Jillian?

Bob, please! I'm such a soft, emotional person, and not necessarily the most motivated. Jillian would break me into four thousand tiny pieces, and leave me crying on the floor. Bob has a sweetness to him which could likely lead to a few extra trips to Subway if I were well-behaved.

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Hey now, see what I mean... is this girl cool or what.

I really hope you guys will take the time to hop on over to B's blog and drop her some love as she leaves for Kuwait TODAY!

Oh and one last thing... a farewell vlog for my friend :)

Vlogging.....definitely not my style, but every several days after a solar eclipse I'm happy to showcase some awkwardness for a blogging friend who is moving continents away. So, Bethany, this is for you!

And thank gooodness that our third GG mate, Alexandra, joined me in making a fooool of myself ! Haha. Thank you, A DIDDY !! :)



Bethany, we looooove you!
#glamgang.
Post Edit: You guys. You MUST click on the link above and watch Alexandra's vlog. Homegirl did anything but make a fool of herself. She made me cry. It was that beautiful and heart felt. And dang it, now I'm just embarrassed of my silly little vee log above! Haha, YIKES.
All ok though. More than anything, I just sit here completely touched. This blogging world is so good. I am a million kinds of grateful for the friends I've made. Bethany. Alexandra. Everyone. All of you. You all make my heart smile. Day after day. Thank you.