punky IN the city. a preface. if you will.

This evening marks two weeks for me here on the East Coast.

I've been eating a lot of pastries. And snacks lately. Yeah, snacks. My cousin has seven year old twins and so there's a snack cabinet here. And it's filled with snacks. For days. So I've been eating all of them, along with the rest of my feelings. Otherwise you can find me sitting. In the shower. A movement that is often inspired by troubling times, if you feel me.

Cause a lot has happened in the past fourteen days. A lot has BEEN happening in my head the last sixty days. And while I've had every intention of sitting down and blogging about it, I've felt very overwhelmed. Sometimes you have so much to say, you don't know where to begin. So instead you grab yourself a go-gurt, a capri sun, and some cheese-cracker sandwiches and you turn on the Olympics. The blogging can wait.

Except it can't. And I don't want it to. Cause everything that is happening right now is huge. This first actual chapter of Punky and the City is crucial, right? It's been hard. I want to write this down. I want to tell you exactly how I'm feeling right now, the stories I've gathered thus far, the ever-evolving facts as they scatter every which way, so that somewhere down the line I can look back at this struggle and marvel at it. So I can tell the next crazy young woman who decides to up and move across the country with no savings to back her up that it's NO piece of cherry pie. That it is in fact really stinking foolish, dreadfully confusing and remarkably lonely. You'll probably cry a lot. And eat a lot. And shower a lot. And maybe even eat while crying in the shower, (but hopefully not, cause I just pictured that in my head and it was really, really sad looking. Ha! [I haven't gone that far myself]) Basically just be all kinds of dramatics. But rightfully so, cause it is hard. This up-and-moving and chasing-your-dreams-shit is incredibly intense. And you'll start to ask yourself how much you really want it after all.

You'll ask yourself a hundred times with no clear view of a precise answer, until you realize you're still here. You're still going.

And there's your answer. You're still here. You're still going.

So you do want this.

You want this even though it's rough to live in a climate where your entire world is circling high above your head and you can't describe a day beyond it. "up in the air" is no easy feeling. Neither is a pair of empty pockets to go along with it. Or this god forsaken humidity. (Seriously, NY?)

But then the tiny holes fill, where you often miss them. They fill in ways that only now you notice because the situation is pressing. And as you're forced to look up, there you see your world. And it's a good one, rich and filled with love. And heavy. Heavy so that it may bring your feet to eventually touch the ground. To bring you back down to the earth where you are reminded that choices such as these in life are worth it.

Worth it to be reminded of how much you really freaking love your Dad, cause he checks up on you three times a day and it's just the kind of steady support a young girl of the world needs. Worth it to realize how much you love your friends, the true ones, who go out of their way to make several phone calls to old friends, inquiring about couches they may have. Worth it to realize the value of your Twitter friends, cause in the middle of the night when you are feeling the most alone, you know you can send out a tweet and someone, somewhere, who you've possibly never even met, will hug your cry and tell you to stay strong. Worth it to be reminded of how much you miss the accessibility of a mother or a sister in the next room, the comfort of a familiar voice and how nice it is to hear it on the other end of a telephone. Worth it to be reminded that mostly, the only person you can count on is yourself--that you are, in fact, your own greatest fan. So when you have had a few glasses of champagne at a blogging conference, of course you should drunk text yourself saying, "I love u. U got this." Worth it to be reminded the next morning what laughing at yourself feels like when you read said text, and why laughing at yourself is necessary in every faucet of "moving forward". Worth it to be reminded that I'm young, and what's the worse that I can happen? I end up back in California? God, what a tragedy that would be.

I'm 25, broke, and totally wandering on the East Coast right now. I think once I'm done freaking the f out about it, I'll be able to say, "hey, I'm doin' alright. In fact, I'm doing pretty good."

My many apologies for the blogging hiatus. Many specifics to come in terms of the job and scheduled couches the next month and OH yes, BlogHER! Stay tuned :)

k. so i'm alive. and also LIVE at #blogher12

in the breath-taking and amazing New York City! And guess what. I'm staying! Yup. I found a job and housing and errthing.

And my choice of grammer slash lack of abilities to keep up with the blog posts lately, is probably why I have come to this monster of a conference without business cards to hand out. In fact, even having a little conference pass with my name + 'Punky and the City' clearly situated below it, makes me feel a little embarrassed/a lot of silly for some reason. What can I say? These big money-making blogs all around me are intimidating. And I'm secretly (now not so secretly) scared for these big kids to click onto my blog and think "hmm. cute blog, Punky." key word: cute.

I am an amateaur blogger. It's true.

....thus why I am here. To learn. To grow. To make some new friends. To define what it is exactly "I blog about."

And really, to score some free swag.

Mostly when I say that, I mean food. And alcohol. 

However, there is one particular thing I especially have my heart on...a contest--to get a make over/billboard in times square of my face and blog link. Cause you know. That would just be the ultimate cocktail of a little bit embarrassing/a lot of silly. So let's do it, huh. Go big or go home. Heh, who needs business cards, when you've got a billboard in times square---- you know what I'm saying.

But i need your help to make this epic-ness happen. 

so if you love me, which obviously you do (cause you're reading my blog right now), just simply take another moment in time following this one and tweet the following:

' I vote @punkyandthecity for #WalgreensBrand Times Square Billboard Contest. #Blogher12 www.winthewalgreensbillboard.com '

and tell all yo friends!! The contest ends TONIGHT AUGUST 3rd (so vote asap plz), and the winner will be announced tomorrow.

Ha! Could you imagine if I won. I would laugh for days. AND BUY YOU ALL CANDY.

I promise there's going to be a post(s) to get the interested caught up on things, it's been one hell of a week so far. Lots of stories to tell, and I really can't wait to share all of it with you! +get the new design up finally+ get myself into a real groove with this blog and serve it's title. 

Cause it looks like I'm officially starting my life as a city girl.

And I don't think I've ever felt quite this happy before.

ny update: I'm getting on a one-way flight in three days.

Hey friends.

I wanted to stop by for a quick little update on all that's been happening the past week or so. I feel awful because I've really put this blog on the back burner this month as I've tried to get everything in order for this trip/move. Also in the process, I've had some serious writer's block. It's a total bummer, especially since I do feel so much inspiration to sit down and write. But then when I do, my thoughts are just all over the place, and I've found myself struggling to get the words to come out in a tasteful fashion. Even now, I'm feeling not myself in the way these words are hitting my screen! So bare with me as I try to set the forecast here.

A couple things to begin with: 1. I got my photos from the shoot I did with Anna, and they came out so so good! It's been a loooong time since I've had any professional pictures/headshots done, so it's great to finally have a fresh batch! I've already shared many of them on personal Facebook page, and will probably pick a few to put on my blog page. Feel free to check them out. And Anna as well. She's an incredible photographer, and also, a dear friend of mine. Next step: send these bad boys on over to Dana, so I can get the new blog design up and running.. yesss.

2. I have been chosen as BLOGGER OF THE WEEK on Gentri Lee's blog !! Ah, this is so exciting/bananas. Not just cause Gentri Lee is awesome, but because, I have most def been one of those hopeful bloggers who have clicked onto Gentri's blog often and thought to myself, "Dang, I wanna be a BOW." If you can imagine my surprise when a few weeks ago Gentri e-mailed me and said, "Hey wanna be my next BOW?" I thought maybe she e-mailed the wrong girl or something. This is a HUGE honor! I feel so happy and flattered. Check out the post if you'd like, and please find a way to shake hands with Gentri if you haven't already. She's one of my bestest blog friends and I promise you, you'll love her. And her blog!

As for the move... well. It is complicated to say the least. If you read my last update, then you know that I've basically decided it's my best hand to return to California post Blogher and start saving for the move in a more appropriate and serious way. I still believe this is probably the best route, and will be more than ok to execute this plan if my mind continues to have a say in it. However, as of right now, I still have no return flight purchased, and I am currently in the process of applying to several jobs out there. Surprisingly enough, since I've announced postponing my move, I've had a lot of people reach out and offer housing/potential job leads, which has really been a fantastic package of miracles. So, my attitude now is: try and make it work. At least try. Or as my Dad put it, "test out the water." If the timing is right, it'll work out (however difficult that will still be). And if the timing isn't right, oh well. Then I come back home knowing exactly what I need to do and how much I need to come out with to make it work the second time around. Either way, I win. But, still, it is all scary and nerve-racking and I have been just a mess of emotions as each day has been approaching. Some days have been filled with happiness and excitement, and others... stress and emotional break downs.

I have no clue what the next three weeks/months are going to look like, and it's a little terrifying. Being unemployed with no savings... is terrifying. Being unemployed with no savings in a big city thousands of miles away from my family and friends... is terrifying. But you know what? This is an adventure. Like a REAL one. And it's starting now. Ha ha... let the games begin.

I want to say thank you again, for the tremendous amount of love and support I have received from all of you-this blogging community has been a God send every morning. There's so many of you who I miss and am excited to have as new readers and I want to apologize for being a lame blogger this month. I'm going to do my best to keep up with everything that is going on. Whether it be here or on Twitter.... feel free to follow and know that I'm not intentionally ignoring any of you who are commenting or sending me e-mails--I promise I will eventually get back to all of you! I'm just trying to get outside of my head and enjoy this journey at the moment. Along with survive it.

Lots of love.