I had some legit canoli the other day in Little Italy. S and I were wandering about as we do on our days off together when I proposed we invite some gelato before dinner into our evening. And because there was a sign at the gelato shop that said "Best Canoli in Town" we thought, fine. Give us one of those as well.
It's too easy to say yes to food in this city. My conscious eating habits have gone completely idle and never have I ever seen this sweet tooth of mine prosper so shamelessly. It's been nice. Really nice. You bring me much joy, macaroons for breakfast, but alas, these fresh off the fork love handles=not cute.
I'm up 15 pounds now since I arrived in NY, and no, it's not the end of the world or anything. But girls will be girls.
So basically I'm losing my shit a tiny bit, as I struggle to zip up my jeans and convince myself that oversized sweaters are the new sexy.
It's time for some serious Jennifer Lopez in the Enough to go down and I'm committed to making this my number one goal in the coming months. I've let too many emotions and expectations from various things get the best of me lately and I'm done with it all. It's time to toughen up, get moving and figure out how I can integrate my former workout routine here in the city. And yeah-- not eat nearly as many bagels as I have been.
I wanna sign up for a half marathon and get back to running--would love some partners in crime if anyone in the city wants to train together. I think an accountability partner or two would do me some good. So if you're down, let me know, my dears! I'm game, in addition to hearing any suggestions, resources, tips you might have on how to stay fit in the city. Thanksss!
Hey friends, just want to say thank you for the love this morning. As per many of your suggestions, I'm going to hit pause on the 'ol blog and social media world for a few days.
Although my post this very early morning was real, it also felt as though I was coming across as a nagging monster. So I deleted it. Because that's not what this is place if for. This place is for positivity, and showcasing my writing, and yes being real and letting you know that I'm not just some random girl who is super courageous and on top of everything all the time, but my intention is to do so tastefully and not in a 3am/whinny/I'm a tired-hot-mess as I type sort of way. If you guys are interested in reading all about how I'm not a perfect cookie, I welcome you to do so formally here. (<----if I had known there was going to be a "things I'm afraid to tell you" assembly at any point, I probably would have saved that specific post for it. ha. That was truly one of the most difficult things I have ever put out into the world for anyone to read. Difficult and ultimately freeing.)
Additionally, I've been getting more of the common questions about my move, which I was planning on personally responding to.. but I think these posts here and here say it all much better than my present self could.
Thank you all for being understanding as I work through this pre-move anxiety & search for pennies under the couch (that part of the movement still remains intact). I'll be brb soon: I promise.
Hi. I do not get dressed up for the gym. I look like a haggard mess and then I sweat a crap ton, adding to the haggard-ness even more. And guess what. I don't care! What's up with all these other chicks dressing up like they're going to a MISSED CONNECTION? Are they joking me??
Ok, time to get RIPPED.
I'm serious this time. Just like I was all the other times. But this time. Really, I am. How do we know I'm serious: because I'm blogging about it.
I'm coming to realize how accountable one becomes of themselves when they put things down in writing. Especially in a public domain. It kind of adds a new layer of pressure and expectation on oneself (wow, I sound so formal this morning-sometimes I forget I'm not writing a college paper....[ever again]). For a gal who is often severly discipline-challenged, this is a bright and promising approach. AND SO, in spirit of all the "healthly/lets get fit/lets feel good" posts I've been reading lately (love it), I'm composing my own. BOOM.
Let me start off by saying this. Honestly? I'm pretty comfortable with my body image. At 135lbs / 5'7 / Size 6 jeans (size 4 at the GAP #reasonsilovethegap) I sit comfortably. Does this mean I don't have a collection of physical insecurities? HECK NO, mamas! Of course I do. I'm human. And those magazines and those televisions sure like to flash images at us constantly that make ALL of us feel like much less than we are. It's annoying, I agree with you. But, I've managed to not let those things get to me. I don't stress over my flaws, I don't demand the lights be turned off when I'm getting intimate with someone, I don't "stay-in" because I feeling like I'm "too fat" to go out (seriously ladies--don't be hatin' on yourself like that-it's ridiculous. GO OUT and have a fun time. No one is seriously going to be looking over at you at any point of the night and think, "wow, she's not thin enough to be outside her home enjoying this fine Friday evening." Are you kidding me? NO. That DOESN'T happen. If you're feeling a little less hot than usual, just put on something that flatters your figure. Put on some black. Put on some lipstick (easiest boost of confidence right there). And maybe have a a glass of wine or two before your GFs pick you up. But whatever you do, don't let your insecurities rob you of your Friday evening. You're robbing yourself in the process.) And most of all, I certainly don't say no to cupcakes when I really want one. To enjoy life means to enjoy cupcakes. It's ok. All is OK in moderation.
To go back to the bit about having the light turned off during moments of intimacy (sorry, not my most organized post here. Now I remember, I'm not writing a college paper.) I wanna share a quick little piece of reassurance that was delivered to me once by a dude friend of mine. I don't even know how the conversation started, but somehow I think I mentioned the fear/insecurity of taking your clothes off in front of a guy for the first time, and how you worry about what they may think. To which, this friend of mine, quickly responded with, "Jen. We're guys. What girls need to understand about guys, is that when a girl is taking her clothes off in front of us, the last thing we are thinking about is how her physical appearance is disappointing us in anyway. We're not even thinking about that at all. The only thing we're thinking is, 'she's taking her clothes off!!!' We're excited about it. Especially, if it's a girl we're really interested in." Pretty straightforward outlook from a dude person, no doubt. But there is depth there in what he said, and it has stuck with me ever since. I don't demand the lights to be turned off. I never have. But while I have thought about it in the past and almost wished it at times out of fear of judgement, I don't anymore.
I'm content with the way I look. I'm freckly and curvy like my Brazilian mama, and I've got assets I should stop taking for granted so often. BUT, there is always room for improvement, right kids?
Right. So I wanna tone up. I've managed to maintain the same weight (give or take a few pounds) since high school and that, in itself, is something to be proud of given all the stress that I've juggled since June 2005. But there's been areas of FLAB all along that I have been meaning to tackle. At times, I have, but then it's back to one toooo many jelly beans and BOOM, it's back. Well. This time around I don't just wanna FIGHT THE FLAB! but I want to KILL IT. For good. Do you see the serious-ness and ferocity in my all caps there? Yeah, this is for real.
Cause not only do I want to look goodbetter for New York/the summer of my 25th birthday, but there is no doubt that being active and taking care of your body as best you can, makes you feel good. Even if you can't physically see the changes right away, your mentality shifts immediately for the better. It really does. You have more energy and you have more confidence. Facts.
I've been running long distance on and off since I was 14. (Ran Cross Country in both HS and junior college) and I want the discipline and intensity of all of that back. I wanna seriously be like one of those crazy frequent marathon runners and/or Jillian Michaels. Well, maybe not that ripped, no offense, Jilly, but I just wanna be able to comfortably wear dresses like this awesome new one, with out fear that people are judging my back fat. Cause sometimes, even with the lipstick on and the glass of wine or two you still irrationally freak out that people are having entire conversations about the visible flaws your sporting. #thatslife #thatsbeinghuman #thatsbeingagirlinthisdayandage #america.
(I like to hashtag my life away. Have you noticed?)
DRESS:
HOW cute?? My sister Michelle GAVE it to me. Sometimes she likes to scream at me for wearing a shirt of hers that surely I didn't think she cared about anymore because I found it in a garbage bag titled "GOOD WILL". Other times she is handing me dresses by Free People for FREE. And I'm a lot confused, but I don't ask questions. I just say yes and immediately try it on and then ask her to take pictures of me so I can instagram it. And then hug her. And then finally, hug the idea that I want to look the very darn best I can in said dresses.
So here we go. Time to get ripped. I'm doing three days on//one day off with special focus on my core and my arms. And just trying to get more seasoned on the distance running again. I'm definitely not running the six and seven miles a day that I used to. I want those days back. And also, I just want some balance around here. I've been getting pretty lost in all of this blogging lately, and it's great, but I need fresh air, and I need some physical movement up in hurrrr.
I'll leave you with some tips from my very own gal/hero. The REAL slim shady.
your turn:
- Where do you stand with your body image? Are you guilty of always saying no to cupcakes even though deep down you are crying for one? Demanding to have the lights off? Obsessing over calories? Stay in because you feel fat?
- Do you have any advice you can add in terms of body image and boosting confidence on those nights when you are feeling less spectacular than usual? - Wanna get tone with me?? Let's e-mail and talk accoutability!!!
Body image can sometimes be a tough one to talk about, because everyone is usually on different paths with it-though I'm sure many of us share the same insecurities, no matter what size we are. I really just welcome you to share any thoughts you may have here. Even if it's just, "GO PUNKY!" because, hey, encouragement is awesome ! And you know how much I love itttt :)
P.S. In other topics, have you guys thought about putting together a post of your favorite instagrammers?? No? Well, you should!!! My first round of Punky's Picks is up and it's lonely. It needs some friends--would love it if you took the time to share your favorites and linked-up. Link up is open for an entire month! gogogogo.
