birth of a blog.

Hey remember one of those last few times I spent up in your loft with you? I was an ugly mess. To say the least.  

It was a tough thing for me to say no to something I wanted so badly. It was tough because it wasn't just the idea I was chasing--it was you. It was totally and completely you. And everything you were in that moment, and everything you could or would or wouldn't become. I wanted you and that's the truth.

But it was coupled with a harder truth, wasn't it. Cause somehow, that night, that moment in your loft I had to admit that I wasn't going to get what I wanted in return. Not at all this time. 

Sometimes it's something as small as your would-be love getting upset at you for touching their face after you've been digging into a bowl of buttery popcorn... to realize it can't-be love. 

And maybe I'm wrong. But really, when I switch it around, buttered popcorn on my face wouldn't have been any valid concern of mine. Ever. 

You didn't love me back. And who knew if you ever would.

I remember that night in your loft, not just because it was the beginning of the end for us, but because it was the beginning of something entirely new for me. A new chapter. It was one that I was writing for myself, on my own terms and I knew I couldn't carry you into it with me. It was a huge moment for me to call the shots like that, but just as certain as I was about it all, I was equally confused. I think that's just how it goes when you're making life-changing decisions. You go with your gut, but the ghosts of what-if still follow you to your pillow. 

I remember that night in your loft, because I put a stamp on it as I like to do at various dark lit and pivotal stages in my life. At some point that evening, I wiped the stress and fear away, I barely laughed, and I said to you, or rather to myself, "It's ok. It'll all be alright." Do you remember this? I said, "Soon enough, I will look back at this moment-this moment where I'm sitting in this damn loft of yours, beside you, having this emotional exchange about life and love and choices and all the relentless confusion, and I'll smile in my future self, knowing that I am, in fact, OK."

It's surprising to me that I'm still having conversations about what exactly it is I blog about, or why. Or how it all even started. Especially as I've abandoned the blogging completely the last few months. Sorry  friends. And really, sorry me. 

But, when I look back at that first heart-wrenching post I wrote just a little over a year ago, I think it says it all. However, emotional and giant of a rant it was, it was a necessary one that helped provide a lot of clarity and the best road map EVER to some much needed healing.

The truth is, you inspired this blog. I mean, yeah, New York did too. Of course. But you're a big part of the prompt. You+all those lousy feelings of unrequited love.... it created this space for me to be open and honest. And to let go... not just of you, but everything in my life so far that has made me feel anything less than a winner.

And with that, I only have left to say.... thanks.

--------

Naturally, I'm a little late, but I wanted to say Happy Birthday to this blog. Goes without saying, mama hasn't been around much lately, but I assure you that is changing. I have much to tell. And if I don't put it down here, I will write us all a book and send it to publish.

I've grown more in the last fifteen months than I have my whole life... Alexandra you were right! 

It's been tough as ever, but the good news: I'm OK... I'm alright :)

Thank you readers and friends for your on-going love. I am humbled and blessed every day to know that my most honest feelings are sought after and appreciated. I'm sorry if you've reached out to me in the last few months and I haven't provided you with a response. I quit my job so I could return to THIS!   Stay tuned... xxx!!

Enjoy Now.

{source}

I'm an incredibly reflective human being.

Haha. Have you noticed?

Not just reflective, but deeply impassioned.

I spend a lot of time alone. In my head. Thinking. Remembering. Holding on. Even after, I've "let go". Because everything that has ever touched my path holds great meaning, not just to the planets, but to me. How or when I traded in for such an old soul, I couldn't tell you, but man this soul has a serious license to hoard memories and connect the dots. To make sense and make sight. It's crazy and constantly emotional. And sometimes, I wonder if I should just become a philosopher. Except then I am reminded by how much I love money. And so, I say scratch that even though there's no law that says a rich philosopher named Punky can't exist and be incredibly successful and well-recieved and named the modern day Plato (with money). But it seems far-fetched, kind of like wanting to be a professional blogger and all, so I stick with the nay, while simultaneously continuing to reflect and celebrate every sweet and sour moment that collectively makes up what I know as: my life.

I have a love/hate relationship with time. I'm still working on trying to explain that relationship and how it has a direct influence on my re-occuring depression. And not just my re-occuring depression, but my re-occuring bouts of joy as well. Like I said, love/hate.

In the corner of love, I am learning this: Every moment is completely perfect. And we are damned if we should not miss them after they are gone, but rather, miss them as they are happening. 

I don't like the shitty moments in life either, who does? But how many times have you looked back on what you once thought to be a shitty moment and in your present moment thought, "that wasn't so bad." "in fact, I miss it." or "if only I knew what was to come."

Isn't it so beautiful sometimes to just look back on those moments when you were so desperate and lost and then see the redemption that followed after? To see where you were then, and where you are now? Or better yet, to realize how beautiful every moment in life has been, whether good or bad. Even if it's after the fact, doesn't it make you want to approach RIGHT NOW differently?

I did some digging earlier this evening and I came across this little collection of words. Circa 2009 when I was having the toughest of times in college... I had recently been dumped and was feeling lame and insignificant, but still eager to make it out alive. If not with a degree, at least with a few remaining crumbs of self-worth. 

October 15th.

Starting my day off right with some no sugar added chocolate pudding @ 10:40. I missed class this morning. Whoops. So did Chris. Champs.

I have a midterm tomorrow for bio and I kinda want to cry about it.. but I won’t. I will, however, cry over the fact that I’ll be actually studying and not tumbling. Ha. Why am I so codependent on tumbler lately. Likes bees to honey.

I miss Ventura. I miss G & P and Kam even though the time with those people are well over. Well, mostly just with G and P. I think they both have girlfriends now. Thank God, men over 30 shouldn’t be single and partying it up every weekend like they’re 21. I’m happy for them. Funny people. G especially. I miss that dude a lot. Everytime I hear “Satellite” by Guster, I think of him. As well as “Reckoner” by Radiohead. Good song. Kam and I must have had it on repeat for a month. It’s amazing how certain songs will really throw you back to specific times in your life. Like John West. Everytime I play that free demo I got at his show, it immediately takes me back to late nights driving home from Kate’s back to downtown LA. Despite the fact that Michelle and I were getting screwed up the ass with rent and all the bullshit that came with that damn (but beautiful) downtown apartment, that was truly an exciting and eventually zen time in my life. I wish I could stop fantasizing over my past and embrace my present. Maybe today I’ll try a little harder.

I have less than a year left here in this town and at this school. I don’t need to make plays. I don’t need everyone to like me. I don’t need to feel included in everything that’s happening around me. I don’t need a boyfriend. I don’t want to feel worthless. I’m a good person and I have a few people around who recognize this and are here for me. What more do I need than that? I have less than a year left here in this town and at this school and I’m going to finish. I have so many bigger things waiting for me, and I know it.

So no more sadness. I’m gunna get through this just fine.

And I did.

I got out just fine. 

And I look back at those words, and my heart goes out to that girl. That girl who was holding on for dear life. And to think...that was only the beginning of much more heartbreak and struggles to come in those years of college and living in the OC. Ha. Oh boy, only the beginning. But I got through it ALL just fine. Here I am nearly four years later and I'VE LIVED TO TELL!  Praise God and you know what. I miss that time. I do. It was hard. And it was shitty, and at the time, all I could see was the hard and shitty-all around me. And reminisce about times before it. But what I didn't realize was all the other factors associated to that time, factors that I no longer have in my life. People. Places. Neighbors. Friends (I had more than a few... ! I was just hatin' on myself at the time). College Libraries. College Shuttles. Improv shows. Drama Parties. Hot Grad Students. Campus Strolls. Late Night Adventures. The Arc Gym. Textbooks. Bio Tutors. Tumbling in class. Sleeping in class. Ditching class. Performing in class. Backstage Shennanigans. Bar hopping in Costa Mesa. Serving jobs. South Coast Plaza. Field Trips to Newport, Laguna, LA. Weekends "at home" in Ventura.

COLLEGE.

It wasn't the most ideal college experience, but it was MY experience no less. And it's an experience I will never have in my life again. Those moments, those people, that time... they're gone. I mean, they live in my head, but I will never live them again. Just like I will never again live the time in LA that preceded it, or the time in Orange County that followed it. 

It's certainly what we call bittersweet.

And now I'm back in Ventura and I'm getting ready to relocate to the other side of the country. And as anxious and excited as I am, I have to remember to slow down and enjoy this moment now. Because this in-between stage... this is a special time too. I will never have this spring at home before I moved to New York again. This current fear of moving far far away from my family for the first time. This bed room set up. These daily beach runs with my sister. These daily FRO-YO runs with my sister. This awkward job at a random beachside steakhouse that's actually quickly becoming one of the most charming jobs I've ever had. This time with my Dad, who is only getting older day by day. This time when I used blogging as a means to get over a break up, and discovered my love/obsession for it. And for writing. And faith in myself. And strength to do whatever it is I want to do. And go wherever it is I want to go.

Everything about this moment right now, is completely unique and perfect. And I refuse to miss a single second of it. 

So hats off.....ladies and gentlemen. I'm off to Disneyland today!!! I'm gunna make one last use of my season pass with an old high school friend. And a couple of college friends too :) 

And yes, I am going to enjoy every moment of this young, vibrant, and blessed day. I hope you do as well.  

i got my mom tipsy @ a potluck. (& other weekend tales of truth)

It's been a colorful entrance into May. 

I hit it off with not just one, but two potlucks in a row...where I may or may not have put my last blog post to complete shame. We won't confirm or elaborate on that, as I think the attendance of any pot luck speaks for itself. 

( I'm not sorry. Those mini bundt cakes were delicious. )

In addition to being pot lucky over the weekend, I had myself some strange and I had myself some awesome. Strange because I did a lot of drinking over the weekend, which is not usually my style. Awesome because I got my mom to rage with me, which is NEVER her style. I'm still new to the ventures of mommy-daughter drinking, but I have to say--it's quite fun!!!

You know what wasn't fun: uhhhhh, the $68 parking ticket I got in LA the morning before potluck number two. F, man. Total buzz kill motivator. Obviously, I ate and drank my feelings that much more passionately later that afternoon. And you know what--if it wasn't for the ticket, it was bound to happen anyway. I had to make up for loss time from the first potluck, where I managed to play it "cool", and you know, not stuff my face and/or lend suspicion to the fact that I only showed up FOR THE FOOD.

I actually didn't just show up for the food. That first potluck was my first blogger meet up EVER. I knew NO ONE to begin with. And it was a little daunting and intimidating at first. And when they started asking me questions, I felt my voice shake cause I was really super nervous, but then I didn't have any alcohol just yet and I didn't run away to the food table just yet, and it was all OK because everyone was loving and accepting and kind and funny and interesting and just like that, I was further reassured as to why I'm kind of digging this whole blogging thing in a ginormous way. 

And then I attacked those mini bundt cakes. And I'm still not sorry.

Fast forward to pot luck #2. It was my boss' 82nd birthday party and in this case as well, I didn't just show up for the food. I showed up because it was my boss' birthday. And she invited me to attend. And when your boss invites you to her birthday party, you should probably show up. ESPECIALLY if it's potluck. Helloooo.

(Ok. Maybe the food did play a significant role in this one after all.)

I thought it would be nice to bring my mother with me. And what I mean by that, is I thought it would be nice to have a friend to chat with when my fairly new co-workers maybe didn't have anything to say to me. Or vice versa. Truth be told, I'm not very good in social settings where I'm not particularly close with everyone around me. And actually, I thought it would be nice to bring my mother with me anyway. Because we don't hang out nearly as often as we should. And it's something I'm working on.

Ironically, my mom faired quite well at the event, despite the fact that she knew everyone there much less than I did. She even abandoned me completely at one point and for more than a hot second (thanks Mom). It was kind of awkward at first... sitting there with that bowl of chips, but then I managed to weasel my way into a conversation that I found myself very thankful for. 

It started with overhearing this woman at an adjacent couch discussing concerns over her daughter's "older boyfriend." 

See now, those are two words I'm pretty tight with. Any close friend of mine knows my tendencies to fancy the older kinds, and any person in my life knows I've had many of the boyfriends. I overheard "She's 21 and he's 36," and it was a sure invitation to raise my hand and say, "I can give you insight there." And then I did. 

Because when I was 20 I met a man that was 37 and we dated for over a year. I'm sure you can do math, but that's almost twice my age, and yeah--- sometimes I look back on it and I judge myself too. But most of the time, I don't. Because it was a real learning experience and that man is actually still a good friend of mine today. It's a little bit tricky and quirky in ways, but he's that interesting character in my life that remains and I'm OK with it. His name is Steve. And that's not really his name. But that's what I call him. And he calls me Ned. And if that makes any sense to you then cheers because you know what's up, and yes, that is in fact where my obsession of Wes Anderson began. 

And since I'm honest like all the time, I will say it was indeed very strange that I should end up having such a conversation with this woman about my experience of dating older men (specifically Steve) because guess who I hung out with between potluck #1 and potluck #2. 

Yup, you guessed it---Steve. I could write a whole separate post on that in-between affair, but that's for later maybe. 

For now, I wanna stick to the awesome exchange I shared with this woman. Because you never imagine how much you can relate with any given stranger, and then when you do it's special. 

My opportunity arrived when this un-named woman of her 50s sitting at an adjacent couch on a Monday afternoon potluck in April graciously welcomed me into a conversation with much intrigue and no platters of judgement. It was almost as if she was desperate to hear my story, and I was happy to share it with her. 

Her pickle: She's worried because her daughter, Anne (character name) is dating a man almost twice her age who just came out of a seven year marriage, and not only is she moving in with him, but she's named him her "soul mate" and "hopes that he will marry her."

To which I nodded, "HA."

Though my past self would have loved to of been able to say Steve and I were moving in together at any point in the past, that was not ever the case. BUT, the "soul mate" and the "marry" bits. Um yeah. I know where daughter Anne is coming from.

And then mother of Anna spoke, "I just worry that what she thinks she knows and wants right now, is not what she will know and want later." 

To which I sang, "YUP."

Though my past self would have never given such a statement any consideration in the slightest, I can now say, I know exactly where Mother of Anne is coming from.

Because here's the thing. Us young folks, in our twenty-something year old skins, we're constantly growing. Constantly changing. And in that---constantly susceptible to believe in just about anything that seems remarkably good. We're dreamers and we put our whole hearts into everything. And it's dangerous and it's risky and it's foolish-no doubt. But this is what being young is all about. It's our time to fuck up---our grand and embarrassing episode of trial and error. Our unintentional landings into the mush pit, that sometimes eats us up like quick sand and leaves us begging for a light that we didn't before acknowledge. This is that crucial time in our lives where we begin to carve out what's important to us. What we need to survive, and what we can do without. WHO is important to us, and WHO we can do without. It's a time where we confuse soul mates with soulful moments. And we mix up loving a person with loving ideas or things about a person. We play with our hearts, and not our minds and we work off feelings, rather than practicality. 

We rush into things.

And who can tell us to stop that we will listen to? 

We're stubborn.

And we think we know it all.

And we don't most of the time.

Chances are, what we want right now, is not what we will want later. 

For some it is-- I guess I can't speak on behalf of every twenty-something year old--- but for Me, myself, I can definitely say, my ideas and my thoughts and my wants and my needs, they are changing constantly. I'm only half-way thru this dark and neon tunnel of what they call your "trying twenties" and I can already tell you I've changed my mind about a kazillion things. But it took EXPERIENCE to acquire all those neverminds, those second guesses, those revelations, those new conclusions, those universally calculated chips at my own developing statue of a woman. 

So what can I say to this mother of Anne other than, YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED and your daughter is probably making some really stupid choices, but who knows? Maybe she's not. And if she is, she's going to grow so much from it.  And so either way, you must let it be. And have faith that things will fall a part in whatever way they need to in order for things to eventually fall together. When and how and if they will fall a part at all, only the Good Lord knows, but that's where you can most definitely come in and save the day with tissues and chocolate and hugs. Because she might just come running home with shame and embarrassment. Or as I've come to understand--learning and maturing.  Do be there, Mother of Anne to love that child of yours unconditionally. To give her the support she'll need when she's fallen. To give her the encouragement to get back up. Nothing you say beforehand will stop her will. And everything you say after will soothe her soul. 

Except "I told you so." That one, I prolly don't recommend.

-----------

This was only a fraction of the beautiful conversation I had with this woman. Turns out we had another past situation in common, not me and the daughter of this woman, but me and the woman herself. It's an experience in my lifetime that I will eventually work up the courage to offer here. But on the couch that recent evening, it was quite the joy to connect with this woman in ways I haven't been able to connect with another being on such novel experiences. Like I said, thankful my mom peace'd out into the kitchen for her fourth glass of wine. Cause it pushed me to reach out and converse. And relate. And then when it was over, my mom returned and she topped my fourth glass of wine off and then together, we giggled the remainder of that little potluck away. 

On the same album, different song: How gorgeous is the second potlucks' hosts' garden/land?? We were all in complete awe and envy. 

Speaking of mothers and daughters, I snagged this shot of my co-worker and her daughter. I love it.

Oh yeah and one more thing. The hosts of this particular potluck (number two) are not just regulars at our restaurant.. but uhhh they are Academy Award Winners!!! No joke. Here's the evidence to prove it. I nearly pee'd my pants from excitement/too much wine when I looked over and thought out loud, "Holy shit, those are Oscar trophies!"

LEGIT.

NO, BUT REALLY: Confessions of a Wannabe Blogger

Hello and welcome to the continuation of this post.

I've been anxious to return to my thoughts and my words and my ever-non-phasing-desire to share every freckle of my young spirit with you. It's been fun rolling in the meadows and organizing link ups for the first time, but I'm back now and I want to let you know where my mind's been seeding.

The wealth of information I've gathered since I wrote that former piece is tremendous.

Where I stand right now as a budding blogger is tremendous.

In the last two weeks my readership has doubled (!!), and all I can say is aw, gee. Cause it ain't even my birthday week and yet it feels like a party in here. It's awesome. And wild. And yeah, much of it IS due to the fact that I've made some investments here and there in terms of sponsoring, but I've also done the one thing I'm proud to say, I do best, and that is: be me.

Granted, I'm still figuring it out. You know, the "me" part. But of what I do know, I embrace. I remain true to it. And that goes for every shade of my being: I'm talkin' the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, the lost, the found. Every shade of this 24 year old body, I love and I hold. And all of it, I share. I've opened my heart and soul here, since post numero uno. I've put things out there, that actually, I've looked back and thought, "eeee," only to be swiftly greeted by the after taste of freedom and the quiet confirmation that my "work" here is GOLD. If not for you, for me. Blogging has literally saved me since the new year. It's given me clarity. It's given me peace. And it's given me determination.

The love and compassion I've received from both friends and strangers alike is incredible. From random friends that I haven't spoken to in YEARS to experienced bloggers that I truly admire. To read the words, "you're special", "you've inspired me", "I was blown away by what you wrote" "what you are doing is tremendous and life-changing", I mean.. really? IT'S NOT EVEN MY BIRTHDAY WEEK, people. And those are some pretty powerful things to say.. really? Are you serious, I ask?? You are all too kind to say such things, and also, you're making me blush.

I feel good. And this blogging thing, well, it just keeps getting better. And more real for me. Truth be told, I've only begun to vaguely express the craziness that has occurred in my lifetime thus far. There's been situations I've lived that literally, I've had to turn to GOOGLE (no joke) in order to find another soul on this earth who could relate. They have been dark times where I needed someone who wasn't going to respond with an uncomfortable laugh or a "I don't know what to say" or "that is the craziest thing, I couldn't imagine." I want to share these experiences I've gone through. I want to write about them. And not because I'm looking to exploit any of the characters involved, or because they're "crazy stories", but because I have a voice, and I've been gifted with the willingness to use it, and a passion to relate with others. I've learned so much already, and still-there is much left to be learned. I want to write it all down. And if it's not for you, then it's for me. But see, I want it to be for you too. I want to continue to share the love and to inspire, to get others to think outside the box and see things from a different perspective. That's what I'm ultimately doing here, because the personal diaries, I have those, and I write in them daily. But this is the place where I come to connect, to encourage, and to offer up what I've learned, what I'm learning, and what I hope to achieve in the future.

So if you're with me and you're reading. I want to say thank you. Again and again. And again. I'm just one tiny little fish in this giant blogging sea, where the talent is great, and the blog layouts are just as GREAT. HA. I simply cannot WAIT to afford a spectacular and more professional looking layout--I have such great things in mind! Alas, I must stay close to my old pal, Patience !

Thank you for sharing this space of mine with others and for believing in me and my words. It means so very much to me.

I have big dreams in this life of mine. And yes, blogging professionally and writing and being a source of inspiration to others has certainly become a part of the equation :)

And now a CHEERS to:

- humble beginnings
- to each and every one of your blogs. (which, by the way, I so truly wish there were extra hours in the day for me to read every word of, ahh, it's so overwhelming. I want to give the love back constantly! To all of you.)
- to this incredibly loving, creative and supportive community we all belong to.
- to this strange and modern time we live in where we have the power to reach out and connect with one another in ways our grandparents never imagined.

CHEERS, because it's a remarkable thing.

So You Want To Be a Little Blogger, ay?

Well, great news. Punky is here to help ya out!!! For real. I have so much goodness to share with you here and I hope it will prove to be helpful in more ways than one. This post isn't just for those looking to start up a blog from scratch.. it's also for those who may already have a blog and are looking to enhance their following or their social media skills, or just their blog in general. 

Now, you may be looking at me and my "cute" little blog here (cute meaning amateur) and thinking, really? This chick's got barely 30 GFC followers... who is she kiddingsss ??

Well, let me just say. I feel you. It would appear I know very little. But actually, for many of my outside friends who are still trying to understand blogging beyond it's dictionary definition, I know a lot. And everything I know is all information I have sought out myself over the course of four months or less. I like to think that's pretty impressive and also, that I've set myself up for some future success. So please do me a favor, give me a small chance here. And maybe at the very end TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THE BUTTLOAD OF FABULOUS INFORMATION YOU GATHERED FROM PUNKY'S BLOG. That would be really, really swell of you !! :)

Ok. So you want to start a blog. 

First things first. 

You need a computer. That goes without saying.

Two. You need to sign up for a blogging platform/service.

List of Blogging Services:

Blogger (free) 

Tumblr (free)

Typepad ($8.95-$29.95/mo)

WordPress (free unless you want to expand on all the services' features, then it costs some $$)

These are really the only four I would recommend. (Livejournal and Xanga definitely belong on the exiled island where Myspace now lives. I'm happy to be the one to tell you this.). Though I don't have any experience with Typepad or Wordpress, I know bloggers who get along with them quite well. However, I do believe (correct me if I'm wrong) those platforms are for the more advanced CSS bloggers and designers. If you're a beginning blogger, I would really just recommend either Tumblr or Blogger (they're free and easy!). Obviously I use Blogger for Punky and the City, and I love it. Everything about it is straightforward and simple when it comes to designing the look and feel of your blog, and also the analytics that come with it are great. For the newbies: analytics=stats. Like how many people visit your page on a daily basis, what sites they are clicking onto your blog from, and which specific blog posts of yours is getting the most action. 

In the process of signing up for your blog, you need to be thinking about what your blog name is going to be. Think of something that is catchy and unique to who you are. Don't pick something generic like, "A Lovely Blog" or "My Life in a Nutshell" (no offense, if anyone reading happens to have these as blog titles! eee)... try and pick a name that isn't already taken. In fact, go onto google and try a search for whatever you're thinking of. Make sure that no one else has it. 

True story--before I came up with Punky and the City, I looked up the title Jen One 'N' and someone had a blog called One 'N' Jen.... though it's just one blog with the same idea in mind, I decided I wanted something that was completely my own. In the process of turning other ideas in my head, it dawned pretty quickly on me that this would soon be a blog about my life in the city and since Jen and the City sounded boring as F, I used some Punky Power to come up with the genius title that is now Punky and the City, which I think is very fitting, given my ties to such a nickname over the years. 

Once you have a name figured out--I definitely suggest pinning that name into the link of your blog, and not just placing it as the title or header at the top of the page. It's important to do both. For one, I believe consistency is key in all that we do, and two, it removes any confusion as to what your blog title is. Again, the more unique the name, the better because then you can claim that same name in forums across the board and people can easily find you/your blog wherever they go. 

Last, but not least, get yourself a domain. This is totally optional and in many ways not even necessary, but I was feeling fancy in my blogging endeavors and so I went ahead and pinned my blog title down as a domain. I'm sure there's a number of domain companies you can choose from, but the most popular is GoDaddy, it's what I use and I definitely recommend it. It's super affordable (like twelve bucks a year or something) and the customer service is great. Not only did they call me the day after I purchased my domain to ask if I needed any help getting set up, but they even sent me a member card in the mail which I think is pretty neat. I don't know. I like having member cards. Don't you?

Once you're all set up with a blogging service and you've had time to mess around and come up with your starting layout (I say starting because inevitably you will learn all kinds of new things along the way and will be constantly tweaking and improving the look of your blog) and maybe have published a post or two, it's time to start getting the word out that you have a blog! For some, this may seem a bit awkward. Maybe you don't want people to know you have a blog. If that's the case, well, that's easy. Don't tell anyone. But if you're starting a blog for the purposes of sharing your voice and interacting with awesome strangers and creatives types across the globe, then it's necessary for you to alert the media that you now have an internet cubbie where you will be sharing your heart and mind for all to enjoy. 

The first place to start, is with your own friends and family. Send out a link on your personal facebook and let everyone know about your cool new blog. If that's all the attention you're looking for, then cool, stop right there. If not, then proceed to all the following suggested forums.

Twitter

For the sake of my blog, I got a Twitter account. I wasn't really sure if it would help my blog at all. In fact, I wasn't even really sure how Twitter worked, or what the point of it was. Like a series of Facebook statuses? Uh, ok. That's... cool? 

Well, upon joining Twitter and actually using it through and through, I've come to know it as one heck of a social media tool, that is for certain. It's great for bloggers because it gives us the opportunity to let our readers know that we have new posts up or to share links to other great posts we find elsewhere. And these are just a few incredible perks. What I love most about Twitter is the ability to reach out to basically anyone without feeling like you're out of place for doing so and vice versa. It's not like Facebook where, if you get a friend request from some random person who maybe even shares a few mutual friends, and you're thinking, "the f? why is this person adding me. WHO IS THIS? DENY FRIEND REQUEST." On Twitter, if someone starts following you, you think, "YAY! A NEW FOLLOWER!" And if you're a blogger, that statement is usually followed by the action of clicking onto that new follower's blog (if they have one) and nine times out of ten thinking, "WHOAH, COOL BLOG!!! I'm so glad this person found me!" Twitter is magical. I won't even go into all the stories I have about celebrities on Twitter. Haha, I send dumb stuff all time to people with no expectation that they will respond in any way shape or form. And then, sometimes, they do. And it's awesome.

Get yo self some Twitter! And once you do, maybe follow me @punkyandthecity , I don't know, if you want to.

TweetDeck

Then, once you've got yourself a Twitter account, and mind you, you're following more than a hundred people or so, I would recommend signing up for TweetDeck. I've only recently learned about this site, and I'm obsessed with it. TweetDeck allows you to organize basically your entire profile into columns. So you can have a column for all the bloggers you follow, all the friends you follow, all the celebrities you follow, your inbox, all the communities you belong to, your own tweets, your favorited tweets, tweets you were mentioned in... you get the point. It's just a great way to stay organized and to highlight those you follow more than others. 

Facebook Page

Not entirely necessary, but if you're like me, I'd rather keep my personal Facebook exclusive to my friends and family and not just anyone who clicks onto my blog and then onto my Facebook link. Also, I prefer NOT to rape the walls of my Facebook friends with all my blog updates. My friends and family all love me, surely, but that doesn't mean they care about every single blog post or my blog at all and I totally get that. So, I went ahead a created a Punky and the City Facebook page. Feel free to click onto it to get an idea of how I have mine set up, and should you feel obliged to hit the 'like' button while you're at it... I will not argue against it at this time :)

Instagram

If you have an iphone or android, you better be an instagramming monster already. If you're not, GET OUT. Cause instagram is awesome, and hey you know what else? It's great for bloggers. I use it all the time to capture photos for my blog, including this post! And it's also a great way to connect with others and showcase your artistic taste. 

Pinterest

Pinterest is the new craze, and it is definitely a lot of fun/a sleep stealer. I'm actually taking a little bit of a break from it at the moment because I kept finding myself getting so consumed, that I was leaving less room to work here on the blog. Generally speaking tho, Pinterest is a rad tool for brainstorming and book marking ideas, projects, images, recipes, posts, all kinds of things that can easily tie in stupendously with anything blog-related. 

BLOGLOVIN'

Totes forgot to add this one! Bloglovin' is super. It's an online reader that lets you add all the blogs you follow and organize them into categories. It lets you highlight specific posts you like and even tells you which posts you have yet to read. I know Google has a pretty good reader, but personally I like Bloglovin better. By the way, in terms of Google. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT GOOGLE PLUS IS. And I don't want to. Get yourself a bloglovin!

Photobucket

This one is important. Even if you're totally new to editing photos and working with html/CSS, you will catch on little by little, and you'll come to realize the importance of Photobucket when it comes to resizing images and plugging them into various codes. It also makes for a great safe house in case any of your images get lost or your hard drive crashes and you don't have photos backed up in other ways. #lessonslearned

These next two are more like programs rather than forums, but since I didn't make a separate section for programs:

Photoshop/Picasa:

I would looooove to get completely saavy with Photoshop, but until I do, Google's Picasa is AWESOME. You can download it for free and use it to create basically anything for your blog. I use it constantly, and in fact, the banner you see at the top of my blog was made with Picassa. Not bad, right? 

BLOGSTAR

This is the first blogging community I joined. And let me just say this. Sarah Bryden Brown (the creator of Blogstar) is a genius. And the women who belong to the this community, wow. No doubt, some the most inspiring and supportive women I've ever come across. This is a community every blogger should be a part of. The love and support here stretches for miles, I can't even describe it. You'll just have to come join and see for yourself. You can do so by joining on the site and also on the private Facebook Page. PS. Sarah has some pretty big things planned for the near future of Blogstar. As if it couldn't get any better. I can't wait to see what's in store for this one !

BLOGHER

HUGE Blogging network. Probably the biggest and most well-known. Caters mostly to the community of women bloggers, but does not discriminate! There's a lot of exciting things going on constantly here, including their annual Blogher Conferencing Events. I will be attending Blogher this summer in NYC... please say HEY if you are too :) 

Also, I would like to add that this is a community that actively reaches out and listens to all of it's followers. I was pretty shocked one morning when I received a personal e-mail from Stacy Morrison, Blogher's Editor in Chief (!), about being a part of a focus group for the new developing interface of Blogher. Holy wow? I almost thought that it was spam mail or something and then I tweeted about it, and Blogher immediately tweeted back at me saying, "nope, it's real-we reach out to our community members all the time." Pretty sweet.

ALT DESIGN SUMMIT

I discovered and learned all about Alt and nearly died in the process. Died from the disbelief that something so absolutely incredible existed. Who knew there were weekend long parties happening in hotels that were exclusive to creative minds in stellar fashions with champagne and people like Gretchen Rubin??? I mean, basically, it sounds like a smaller version of the Blogher conference, but I kind of freaked out a little bit when I went through the photos of this year's Alt conference and saw ALL of my fav bloggers in attendance. It's definitely a place I want to be. And I will be. My girl Erin of Artsocial and I just booked our rooms this weekend for 2013! Whoo hoo!

And wait----THERE'S MORE. Alt offers ONLINE CLASSES for only $15 a piece with some of the most well-known bloggers in the bizz. The class is taught through a really swanky online forum that allows you to be interactive with other students and the teacher. These classes are a GREAT way to pick up new blogging tips and new bloggy friends too :) I've taken three classes so far and cannot wait to take more!!!

Classes I've taken:

Perfecting the Pitch: How to Win Over Your Dream Sponsor with Erin Loechner of Design For Mankind (This class was SUPREMELY helpful as I didn't know where to even begin in terms of considering sponsoring. Also, Erin is adorable.)

Bringing Home the Bacon When Your Blog's Not Huge with Melanie Blodgett of You Are My Fave (Melanie is an inspiration. Point Blank.)

Twitter 101 with Jaime Derringer of Design Milk (This is how I heard of Tweetdeck! And Jaime is so funny!)

BLOG BRUNCH

I found out about Blog Brunch by accident. I woke up one Saturday morning and went onto Twitter and kept seeing the word "brunch" on my feed. In my waking stupor, I thought, huh?? Is it like a National Brunch Day or something? How do I not know about this? Where's MY mimosa?? Then I decided to wake up fully and investigate and I came to learn that there's this CRAZY thing happening on Twitter where bloggers come together and under the Blog Brunch hashtag have entire discussions on various blog-related questions. Lucky for me, it had just started when I put two and two together. So I joined in on the craziness and it was lots and lots of fun! I met a whole school of little fishes like myself and we all followed each other post brunch and now look forward to coming together again each FIRST SATURDAY of the month. To become an official member of the community and to receive updates and news for future blog brunches and recaps, be sure to sign up on the site and follow on Twitter. And also, visit the lovely ladies behind the operation: Megan, Amy, and Mrs. Pink. 

CREATIVE CONNECTION USA

I found out about Creative Connections through Tammy. I found Tammy through Blog Brunch. See already, how all these communities refer you to other awesome communities and bloggers? Tammy, by the way, is awesome. And is a great go-to person when it comes to blog-related things. At least I think so. She knows what she is doing and she has helped set up a number of SoCal blogger meet-ups. I encourage everyone to check out her nifty blog and also say hi to her on Twitter-she's super nice. Anyway--CREATIVE CONNECTIONS: awesome group that sets up blogger meet-ups in various US cities. Cause YES, we don't just like to hide behind our computers and limit the connections we make to the virtual world. We like to get together in real life and hang out and collaborate! I say this, even though I have yet to attend my first "blogger meet-up"... Ha, I'm always working, dangit, but I'm def excited for when I'll get to chill with my blog homies for real reals. Check out this group for potential meet ups, and also follow Elise Ostermann, the founder on Twitter. She's real nice too. 

Just a few blogs that have some great things to offer to newbie bloggers or even the experienced blogger. There never seems to be a lack of things to learn in this trade.

HER NEW LEAF

I met Kira through Blog Brunch as well, and her blog is way cool. She does a series called "Primp My Blog" which features a whole school of various tips and tricks. Check.her.out.

INWARD FACING GIRL

Melanie Biehle is just a sweetheart. And she does alllll kinds of really great and thorough recaps of her experience at the Alt Summit Conference. She also knows a lot of peeps in the business and is a great motivator in the land of starting new projects and thinking outside of the box. Definitely, give this one a visit or seven.

A BEAUTIFUL MESS

Well, aside from this blog having one of my most absolute favorite blog designs on any blog I've ever seen, the ladies behind A Beautiful Mess, share so many of their design and photography secrets. It's like an aspiring blogger's heaven. Just take a look around and you'll see what I mean.

*Also, for some really spot-on general tips and pointers on blogging check out Ashley's Blogging 101 post.  

Link Ups! I haven't yet participated in many of these, but they look like lots of fun! I love Ashley's Friday Letters. I think it's a fun way to add to a great platform of an idea and also see what others have to offer on the same grounds. I'd be weary to participate in mostly only link ups all the time though, as you want to contribute unique content to your own blog... maybe establish a link up of your own? I've thought about creating one for Punky and the City, but then decided it would be too much on top of my Film Club. Hey by the way, do you know about my Film Club? I'm in the process of getting buttons designed and making things more official with it all, but we're only two movies in, I hope you'll join!

No doubt, I've left out other communities, blogs, and link-ups here. These are just the ones I know of and am a part of. I believe that the blogosphere is a place that is filled with love and tremendous support for one another, and that it preservers from smart, funny, artistic, and inspiring individuals coming together to collaborate, share, motivate, and thrive off one another's energy. With that being said, this is the part where I open up the floor and ask for your knowledge. And this time, I am talking specifically to those who are already blogging. I ask you:

- What are other blogging communities you are a part of ?

- Do you know of any blogs that give back and share their own tips and strategies?

- Do you know of any other link ups?

- Do you have a link up of your own? Feel free to advertise here! (I will add more link up 

   buttons to this post, upon others sharing! I just personally don't know of that many myself.)

- Do you know of any specific posts that offer great guidelines and pointers for new bloggers?

- What blogs inspire you the most?

- How long have you been blogging and what do you love most about it?

- What of your own advice could you offer to someone who is interested in starting a blog?

I encourage you all to leave your thoughts and comments. I put a lot of work into this one post, not because I'm looking to receive anything---I'm simply happy and eager to give back. To offer up what I've learned. And to hopefully convince some of my friends to start blogs of their own. 

To those prospecting to start blogs: Good luck! Hug your families and tell them that you're ok, you're just going to spend a lot of time in your room some days doing BIG THINGS at your computer :) And know that everyone in blog land is happy to help! Especially me--seriously feel free to e-mail me if you have questions on ANYTHING! 

Cheers and Happy Blogging!

Wanna bookmark this post?? You can repin it from my Pinterest HERE.

some words on patience.

image found here

I wanna talk about patience. 

Why? Because it's something I lack. Quite often.

Not so much with others as I do with myself. 

But I am getting better at it: the being patient with myself and I wanna share the how so with you.

During my lowest of low times in college, I sought out a professor who I strongly admired and somehow felt could offer me up some light/encouragement. It was one of the few times in my life, when I felt so lost and desperate that I actually willingly asked for help (something I'm usually reluctant to do.) Anyway, I sat in his office and cried and cried and asked for words of enlightenment and he not only graciously and lovingly provided me with a whole lot of that, but he also gave me a book that he said he believed I would greatly benefit from. 

Here is said book:

Now, to be completely honest, at first glance, I didn't think much of this book. I mean it just looked like too many words for a front cover in a very generic font. And "The Life Series 101" ? Mmmkays. Even the claim from Oprah at the top wasn't enough to really capture my intrigue. While I was thankful for the gift and kindness of my professor, I definitely tossed this one aside when I got home and stayed rejuvenated off what my professor had to say, rather than anything this book could possibly have to offer.

It wasn't until the beginning of this year, in the grueling process of moving back in with my parents that I picked this book up and said, "alright, Peter McWilliams. What chu got for me?"

Turns out, he's got a lot. More than I ever imagined. I read every word of this book and was completely blown away by all the fantastic and logical insights this brilliant man had to offer. And in such simple terms too. I think you can guess that one of the most valuable of his chapters to me was the one on patience. Here's some words from Mr. McWilliams that really hit home:

"Patience is our compassion for the distance between what we are now and what we know we can be."

"Because we have such fertile imaginations, we can envision ourselves scaling mountains one moment and swimming oceans the next. To get from the mountaintop to the beach, however, takes a certain amount of time. If we're on the mountain and want to go to the ocean, that's fine. But if we strike against ourselves for not being at the ocean right now, we're being impatient."

"The journey from here to there will never be completed. Such is life. Have compassion for the distance  between where you are now and where you're going next. (Where you are now, remember, is the goal of a former moment in time.)"

Wow, right? At least for me this was. And especially in the moment. It was almost as if God or some spirit lead me to pick up this book and read these words that I so desperately needed to read at that time. That stressful and lonely time when I quit my full-time job, dropped my whole life in Orange County which included the majority of my friends and the dude I was seeing at the time, and came back home to Ventura. It was time when I came to accept a lot of things about myself that I didn't like and I knew I needed to work on. And I wanted to work on them. And not only did I want to work on them, I wanted them to be fixed right away. I wanted the huge transitions I was making in my life to go more smoothly and to be way less awkward. I wanted things to just be more easy and more clear. I wanted things to feel right, instead of confusing. I wanted all the second-guessing to be gone, and the certainty to be present. And in all of these wants, I found myself to be the captain of impatience. Which only caused me more stress than I was already experiencing. This book proved to be some very strong medicine and it helped me work through a lot. And in good time.

This was only several months ago. Which is shocking in some ways, because it only goes to prove how faith, patience, diligence, and the right attitude can make you soar, and much quicker than you would think. It's not an overnight journey, not by any means. But if you can take things one day at a time and set your goals loud and clear before you, well, you're setting yourself up for success and improvements, at a very like-able and generous pace.

Some time right before I picked up this book, I somehow knew it in my mind that I needed to get my goals down on paper. I needed some sort of hard copy reminder of why exactly I dropped everything in my life and switched lanes completely. As if transitioning wasn't hard enough, I was heartbroken, and had also just gotten into car accident that was my fault and broken my macbook--all around the same time. I also came home with no room or place to put all of my furniture, since my room at the parents had inevitably become a place to store things. All of which didn't even include a bed. So for the first two weeks of moving back home, I not only had to crash on the couch, but had no place to put any of my belongings. No car to drive. No macbook to turn to. No job to go to. Things were just messy, no doubt, I felt empty and all I wanted was the comfort from the man I had broken up with and my friends who were all now so far away. I even just missed the Trader Joes I went to on a regular basis and my gym in Irvine. Everything I had come to know in a span of three and half years was now gone. You can bet your bottom dollars there was an immediate party of regret, second-guessing, and "oh no, what have I dones." I needed a hard copy reminder of why exactly I dropped everything in my life and switched lanes completely. So I went to Barnes and Noble and I bought a pretty notebook. One of the cheaper ones, mind you, because at that moment I was unemployed with maybe twenty bucks to my name total. (With no sight of a future paycheck anytime soon. It was a scary time, indeed.)

Here is said notebook:

And on the very first page, on December 8, 2011, I wrote out my goals.

Some of those goals obviously have changed, hence the crossed out status. (I'm a little ashamed that the volunteer in elementary school classroom got booted.. but there is much time yet in this lifetime for such things.)

And still, I can't help but to do a little happy dance that may or may not include a secret tear or two. Because I have accomplished so much in both body and mind since that ever so difficult time in Dec/January. I have to be proud of myself for hanging in there and not only giving myself the gift of patience, but the clear path of where I want to go. Since the time I jotted those goals down, I have not only fixed my car, my macbook, my heart, and my ridiculously high college loan payments, I've gotten myself a job, paid off almost all of my debt, gotten this blog going, gotten my room back, and above all---gotten the confidence back that the choices made several months ago were the RIGHT ONES.

I mean, here I sit, single and happy, with a blog, a very small, but growing readership, an entire circle of new friends, a strengthening of relationships with my family, a renewed appreciation for Ventura, and the intent to buy my plane ticket to New York this week for July. (It has been officially set for July ! :)

Life is good, and I'm just so glad that I've stayed patient and strong up to this point. And I hope I can continue to do so, as I know that there is much transitioning yet to come. I mean, I am moving across the country for crying out loud. Haha, I think the toughest awaits me still!

But I have faith. And I run towards the things that scare me, rather than away from them. I choose the uncomfortable rather than comfortable. Because that's how I choose to live my life. Because that's what I believe to be living.

And what about you? How do you and patience get along? If this post has encouraged you to go out to Barnes and Noble and start your own diary of goals and self-compassion, will you say so? It has proven to be one of the most important things I have ever done for myself, and if you're in a place of "I don't know what the heck is going on" or "I don't know why I've gone in this direction or that", I encourage you to do this. Give yourself a clear purpose. If you don't know what that purpose is yet, think about what you love. Think about the places you want to go. Think about the things you want to be. Start with those things, and see where it takes you. And while you're at Barnes, pick up Peter McWilliams book! It will fuel your heart and your mind, this I promise. (By the way---there is no shame in browsing the self-help section at the bookstore. In my opinion, that should be the busiest section! What a worthy cause, to seek self-improvement. I applaud every individual I encounter in that section.)

As always, I am delighted to hear from all of you whether it be in the form of comments or e-mails. I'm not only here to share, I'm here to help. To connect, and to give support.

There is only love.

And patience :) Don't just give it to others---give it to yourself.