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6.06.2012

living in the in between stage. with no make up & an old pair of P.E. shorts

Lately, I've been leaving my house in sweats, no make up, and greasy hair from the gym last night. It's a hot look for me, and I love how sweet fate is to have me running into people I haven't seen in years at Peet's Coffee to catch just how hot that look really is.

And then just when I think I've managed to side swipe the embarrassing small talk that usually goes like this: "yeah, I've gotten WAY hot since the last time you saw me circa 2005, I know... I mean check out these pajama bottoms.. and oh yeah, this is an old P.E. shirt... I'm still rocking the 'ol high school pride, how about you?" "And yeah, I'm just in Ventura temporarily as I plan my move to NYC this summer." "Yeah, no. I'm not going for a job or school or anything." "I'm just going for fun. To live." "Ok. It was good seeing you too."

Except in my head I'm thinking... It was annoying to see you. I look like a hung over monster and I wasn't even drinking last night.. this is just how I look cause I woke up five minutes ago (at one in the afternoon/so what) and didn't feel like putting normal clothes on... or my face. 

Eh. At least I brushed my teeth.


And oh shit, I didn't even ask what you've been up to. What a jack ass. I mean. Do I really care? No. But I should at least remember to be polite and act as if I do. Lord help me. I'm a terrible person. With no make up on. 

Just when I think I've managed to side swipe all of that, I don't. It really goes down. And apparently I love it. I love it so much I allow for it to keep happening. Like three times a week or so.  

Welcome to the current life of Punky, returned home to Ventura temporarily as she gets ready to move to NYC, to her current status of caring less and less about her appearance in public, her social life, and making an impression on once upon a time high school peers. To her new trend of talking in third person.

Which she will end now.

I'm back in Ventura and it is strange. After being away for a good five years frolicking in other parts of Southern California, it's strange to be back now and living in this place again. Not that anything feels unfamiliar.. in fact, everything feels remarkably familiar. Almost like I never left. And so the strange-ness lays in the feeling distant and far removed from the last five years of my life, where I was living and breathing an entirely different life elsewhere. It's like those times in LA and Orange County didn't even happen, even though they were the most recent phases in my life. Kinda like two major life chapter relationships that I broke up with recently and blocked on Facebook, to forget forever. But I don't want to forget them, and the intention was never to block them at all. I just left and as hard as it's been to kind of let those places and those times go, I have. I have because I'm preparing for the next big thing. And it's bittersweet. It's bittersweet to be saying goodbye to one chapter in my life and hello to the next. I feel incredibly excited for all the new, brilliant and wonderful people I will meet, and sad for all the brilliant and wonderful people I will miss.

 I miss so many of them already.

I'm back in Ventura and it's been more than strange. It's been hard.

It's been hard trying to plan a move as big as this and not being near my closest friends who I have really come to know the past five years. I just want to spend as much time with them as I can before I leave. But most of them, if not all of them, live two hours away from where I sit now. And taking multiple day trips to the OC is just not practical or in my financial budget at the moment. And quite frankly, I've over that ugly and taxing drive. Six words when I leave California: Peace the F out 405 Freeway.

Cannot tell you how excited I am to be living in a city where I don't have to drive or have a car to get around.

Since I've moved back in December, I've been spending a lot of time alone. My closest and only friends have been my sisters (no complaints there), along with one high school friend I've managed to reconnect with and am so happy about (Hi Sami, we should hang out a few more time before I leave please!) Other than that, my friends have been you guys, my readers. And it's been really nice. It's been really nice to wake up every morning and feel connected to others just through a simple tweet or comment, and well, I don't want to go into the whole being really thankful for blogging thing again, but too late. I'm really thankful for this whole blogging thing, and how much it has saved me since I've moved back home. Cause as liberating as it has been to spend this much needed time with myself, reflecting and planning, and going to bed without another body beside me, it's also been at times, a bit lonely. And you guys have helped remind me that I do exist, I am cared for, and most of all, that I'm not alone.

And well, I don't know where I was even really going with this post to begin with, but I guess I just wanted to say thank you for thats.

And that maybe, I should care more about how I look when I go outside my home. But for the first time in my life I don't. Which in itself, is a liberating feeling too. I mean, yeah I hate myself for it when I gamble the odds of running into people I got rejected by to the Backwards Dance in high school and lose, but you know what? Whatever.

I'm moving to New York in less than 50 days, bitches!

With all that being said, let us dance! (In our PJs.)


p.s. small talk with anyone can bite me. I hate it.

21 comments:

  1. putting on real clothes and makeup is overrated sometimes :)
    i prefer not to do it unless i really really really REALLY have to.

    so i totally know how those awkward moments go

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  2. I'm definitely relating with you, the past few months have been really tough for me too and it has been so nice to have my blog to express myself. In some ways it's really been one of the only things consistent in my life. I think ending any chapter in life can be a really tough transition, even if it's a choice you are making for yourself. But the truth is, in your case, moving to the city of your dreams is a big leap. But a leap that so many others are afraid to take! It takes courage and strength to live your dreams, and that's exactly what you're working towards! I'm so excited to follow along with your move, and see New York through your blog!

    xo Kayla

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  3. i live in a small town and always run into someone i know when i look like an escaped mental patient.

    when you move to nyc do you have an apartment lined up? what area are you going to live in? are you going to try to find work there?

    So many questions. i am just interested and admire your courage.

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  4. and i am so thankful for you =) #BlogLove hehe

    Also, I am a firm believer that going out with greasy hair and pj's is completely acceptable... especially when you might run into old high school friends =P

    xo

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  5. I prefer sweats and no makeup. Hell if you wanna dress it up just throw on high heels who cares. I like being a rebel

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  6. Small talk can definitely suck it. And who cares what the high school people think. You're moving to NEW YORK CITY and gonna kick ass at it. You win :)

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  7. I am ALWAYS in sweats and a t-shirt! Haha I hate small talk too!!!!! It sucks! Especially with old high school peers! I am terrible at it and the goodbye for me is the worst...so awkward! I am excited for you're new adventure to NY!!!

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  8. Haha, small talk is the worst.
    And... who says PJs aren't in style? I mean, haven't you ever looked at People of WalMart??? come on now.
    So fashionable.

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  9. I loved everything about this post! Your honesty is so refreshing! I'm glad we found each other in this big old blogging world! And I totally have moments like that with people I haven't seen in forever. I hate that "what are you doing with your life" question we get all the time.

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  10. Can't tell you how much I love this post. Seriously. I am so that girl that hates small talk. This morning I was looking particularly dreadful sans makeup when I ran into one of my next door neighbors (that I've never really met because I'm a terrible person). He said hi and was perfectly nice. I mumbled something under my breath about hello and how are ya' before hiding my face in my bag. Why do people even talk before 10am?

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  11. You're a big fish in a small pond =)

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  12. small talk is the worst. and i'm horrible at it and always forget to ask what the other person is doing with their life. true story.

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  13. oh girl, i hear ya. at least you can remember that you haven't been hanging out in that town since high school like whoever you're awkwardly running into...right?

    ps peet's coffee is totally the most unappreciated best coffee brand there is.

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  14. I know what you mean Punky! I moved back home after college and it was somewhat eerie, like nothing ever changed while I was gone. It's definitely hard coming back to the familiar when you had lived in a completely different place for years. But good luck to you on your journey and I'll be here reading and cheering you on!

    Evani

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  15. You are hysterical, did you know that? :-) Seriously, though, this sounds like a good transition time. I'm so excited to read about all your adventures.

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  16. Um. I grew up in Ventura County. I'm even more impressed that you're moving now. It seems like very few of us escape the VC bubble.

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  17. i always seem to run into people when i don't feel like it or plan to...sometimes I just like to be in my own world and there is no reason getting dolled up just for me. I live in my PJs...especially when I am going to Target...lol

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  18. 50 days bitches! Then you will be even further away from me. I don't know why, but it makes me sad there will be more distance in our love story. Punky, sit down and let me tell you a story. Last week as I was dying from vertigo, Jared convinced me to get out of the house and go for a walk since I was rotting in my own sweat. I hadn't showered in like 4 days maybe more (who keeps count?) I couldn't walk straight or really at all. I was clutching Jareds arm and he had Shia's leash in the other hand. It was like 10pm so no one was out in our hood. Shia was squatting to shit. A FJ cruiser pulls up, "MIKI!" Oh my god, how are you? I couldn't even see straight. So I have to stooper over to the car clutch the window and it was some girl that I was a friend of a friend. She just got home from bridal or some shit, so she was like porcelain doll, as I was about to vomit on her. Anyway our small talk was "Hey Taylor, yeah I don't feel good, yeah i live here, that's my dog and my husband, no we never get ready, Peace the FUck out!" I had to add the profanity for emphasis.

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  19. I hate small talk...I really do. I wrote a post about this dumb website some guy I went to high school with created, and then I saw him two days later in a store.

    I had just been to gym, and went tanning, so I looked awful. He cornered me about my "entertainment blog" and how his site reports "the news."

    Blow me.

    Did I just say that?

    48 days till the East Coast. How exciting!

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  20. Oh my God, small talk is AWFUL. I honestly am not sure which is worse. Being stuck on the 405 or stuck at a boring party. Hang in there, my dear. You're almost there. xo

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  21. I feel guilty for not reading this until now. I kick myself everytime I walk away from an encounter with an old someone or other & realize I forgot to ask them what they were up to. I think this is what empathy feels like.

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