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6.11.2012

i believe. in online dating.

Mmmkays. Let's gather round for a sec and talk about online dating.

Come on, don't be scared. (I know you are secretly intrigued.)

For background and relational purposes, I will have you know that I've been in six "serious" relationships in my life. What constitutes "serious" in my book? Well, basically I had toothbrushes that lived in these hombre's bathrooms. Whether we were "officially" a couple or not, I don't care. I don't purchase/accept+leave toothbrushes in the bathroom's of those I don't view in a serious manner. (And for the record, I was officially a "couple" with four out of the six. Just sayin'.) (The other two were a couple of pansies afraid of commitment. Psh, whatever dudes.) (They missed out.) (Big time.)

Surely, all six of these ever-so charming characters will find their way into this little blog and/or future  plays of mine, but for now I would like to give mention to the sixth and last guy I was "serious" with.

His name was Blah Blah. But he went by Blah. (Up top if you get that reference.) We only dated for about four months. But I kept a toothbrush in his bathroom. And deodorant. And shampoo. And a shit ton of bobby pins all over his place. If that's not enough, I also met his whole family. K, so in my book: serious. And you know what else? We didn't meet in a cooking class. We met online.

I repeat: We met online.

Now. Would I be lyin' if I said I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed to admit this to people at first? Yes. Cause I was ashamed and I was embarrassed. So I didn't tell people I met Blah Blah online. Instead, I told people I met Blah Blah through a friend.

Not to be hatin' or puttin' down anyone who turns to the internet in search for a soul mate, but I just always considered to be "better" than all of that. And although that is a messed up thing to say, it's an honest thing to say. In general, I'm not someone who has ever really struggled to meet or get attention from men. Not only am I a go-getter through and through, but also, I go out a lot. I don't sit around and wait for boys to come to me. I go to them as well. I wave my hands and use my words and I get their attention. And good things have come from all of that. I've dated a lot of men that I didn't in my wildest dreams ever imagine dating, all thanks to a little bit of confidence and a whole lot of courage.

This is not to say, I haven't gone through some dry spells where I just didn't run into anybody interesting or decent at the library. (I've never met anyone at the library. But my friend Sarah Jaye has. So it is possible.) I've gone through dry spells. And in those dry spells, the online dating has been suggested to me. To which I have responded with, "Uh, online dating..? Yeah, OK."

Cause to me, online dating was a practice reserved for those who were maybe more shy or couldn't get the attention of others as easily. Or, to put it bluntly.. weirdos and creeps. Again, not to sound like a total asshole, but if you had asked me a couple years ago how I felt about online dating, I probably would have said, "for losers." Which is completely awful and hypocritical given the fact that there once was a time when I had a Myspace page and was exchanging messages with random boys from neighboring villages such as Moorpark and Camarillo, which essentially falls under the category of "online dating". Granted I never met up with them in real life, but the subject lines of those messages most certainly said things like "hey cutie" and "what's your a/s/l, sweetie"..... and I most certainly responded to them. So yeah, if online dating is for losers, well, that means I, myself, was a loser too. So yeah. Also, I'm like twelve kinds of weird, so really, I should just shut it.

But still, it took me a long time to get over the stigma of it all. It wasn't until probably about a year ago that I found myself more and more willing to swallow my own pride as I started hearing more stories about how so-and-so met so-and-so online and how it's totally becoming a "normal and acceptable thing."

 Finally, one September evening after returning home from what felt like the 28347th bachelorette party in a row, I crawled into my empty bed, fixed myself a glass bottle of wine, and said,

"fuck it. I'm signing up for MATCH."

[ Sidenote: This is not a sponsored post by MATCH.COM (But it should be.) ]

And that's what happened. That night I set up a profile on Match and in the moment I thought, "Oh, I am going to regret this in the morning." But surprisingly, I did not. And in fact, the next night, when I wasn't drunk off wine, I went even further by purchasing a three month membership so that I could have full access to correspond and view everyone's profiles. Yeah, imagine that... I PAID MONEY to do online dating. Ha.

And did I honestly think I was going to meet somebody awesome and normal and super attractive? Uh, not really. Was I hopeful? A little. Mostly? I figured I would meet some crazy characters and that it would all make for some good stories to someday tell.

As it turns out? The very FIRST and only person I met on Match (in the very first hour of that second evening, mind you).. I dated for four months. THE VERY FIRST! And guess what? I MESSAGED HIM. And guess what else. He was awesome and normal and SUPER attractive. No, SUPER DUPER attractive. And we had some mad compatibility, yo. I'm still convinced to this day, that he is one of the most compatible dudes I've ever dated, and also, one of the hottest. Obviously, in the end, it didn't work out between the two of us...for other unique and complicated reasons. But that's besides the point.

The point is, online dating can work. You can meet normal, attractive people. And it's not strange. And it's not for losers. And I stand by that 100%. In fact, I would totally one day, when I'm ready to step out on the dating scene again, be willing to give the online dating thing another shot. Absolutely.

Cause here's the thing. Online dating is a pretty brilliant thing. You can basically go online, and look for exactly what it is you want. Without even having to go on a full on date with someone you can rule them out within seconds just by reading their profile. Something as small as reading the fact that they don't want kids someday or that they already have kids or that they smoke or  that they are a Jehovah's Witness... learning those things right off the bat can save you a whole lot of awkwardness, drama, and time it would take to discover those things over a course of one or more dates.

Not only does online dating allow you to pursue someone you're generally interested in, but it also allows you to do so from the comfort of your own home! That's right. Forget about getting all dressed up and going out to some raunchy bar to put up with a few d-bags before you hit a potential winner. You can simply chill at home, in your PJs and send some pretty face with a witty profile a simple, "Hey." And if they respond, great! If they don't, whatevs. No serious embarrassment there, just seek out someone else. And in the meantime, enjoy all the ridiculous messages you receive!

I think by now you guys are all aware of my Wes Anderson addiction. Well, I happened to mention so in my Match profile. I always enjoy including this obsession of mine everywhere I go since it's not only a big part of my taste in art and  humor, but also fact, that if you love WA, we'll probably get along super well. Anyway, true story, I got one message in particular from some smooth and knowledgable chap that said:

"Oooo I love Wes Anderson too! There Will Be Blood is one of my all-time favorites!"

Big LOLs & Tip: if you are ever going to pretend like you know what someone is talking about when it comes to films, at least IMDB that shit beforehand to double check. Thanks.

Another thing about the online dating: You know that the majority of people on there are looking for something more than just sex. Unlike all the d bags and even the potential winner at the bar. They're normal, everyday workin' people who are probably smart, attractive, and educated (give or take a few, of course, like Mr. There Will Be Blood.... still LOLing.), that just haven't found the right person, whether it be because they are shy or they don't get out much, or they're new in town, or they are in fact a creep (which you still have to obviously watch out for.) And when you do happen to receive a message or a response from an interesting character like I did... it's pretty neat. Like I said, Blah Blah was the first and only guy I met through Match and when he sent me that first response I was surprised and excited, and really just impressed. We messaged back and forth non-stop for a good week until we finally met in person, and let me just say... I had a pretty disgusting smile stuck on my face that whole week. It was just so fun getting to know a person through a series of online messages and text messages. It was like my very own You've Got Mail episode or Danny & Mara party. It was great.

As I already pointed out, things didn't work out with Blah Blah and I, but the short time we spent together was special. I look back with fond memories, and I cherish the way in which we connected with one another.

Bottom line: I think the whole online dating this is LEGIT.

And if you still don't buy it, take a minute to think about blogging (if you're a blogger), and all the wonderful people you've connected with. I think my dear friend Alexandra made a great point in saying that blogging is like Match.com for friends. If we can all click onto each other's blogs and find things that we have in common to bring us to our bloggy bff-ness with one another, couldn't we do the very same with a dating profile? I say yes. Most indeed.

How do you feel about online dating? Have you ever tried it? Any success stories? Any funny stories?? I would love to hear!! Please comment and share :) And as always,  feel free to e-mail me for any advice or tips on dating. I'm always happy to share what I know and what I've learned.

***Also, I'm baaaaack. Thanks for all the love and support this past weekend. After some much needed sun and time away from my computer, I think it's safe to say I've passed-go the weird funk I had found myself in. Let's get this blog party started (again.)!!!

32 comments:

  1. I haven't tried out online dating, but I definitely hated flirtiness from my single days. Guys can be such cheese balls, and most of the time I just wanted to hang out with my friends.

    I have had a few friends try out online dating, one of them is now married! So I would say, and live by don't knock it till you try it. :)

    xo Kayla

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  2. I met my husband online! I went through a few of those weirdo and nut jobs first - oh the stories, but in the end I found him. Funny thing was I thought we'd just become friends because he was new to the country and my best friend was his nationality I thought us all hanging out would get him more comfortable here and in the end his charm and accent had me head over heels! Great post.

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  3. ahahhaha totally have a similar story to yours. Thought it was awful. Tried it anyway. Ended up meeting a really cool guy off it. Go figure. I love what you friend said by comparing it to the friendships made through blogging- that's totally what I told myself when I did it. And it's really true :)

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  4. I tried online dating after my divorce. Of course, my experience is going to be much different for yours, my young chick. :) I was 37 and had been married for 10 years. The last time I dated someone I was 25. I went on a few horrible dates, then started dating my husband who I met at work.

    I still think online dating is worth trying, even if my experience sucked. It's just so weird because you can seem like the perfect match by profile, but you never know what the chemistry is going to be like. I had ZERO with the guys I went out with. Plus, they were freaks. I'll have to write those stories some day. :) My next plan was going to be speed dating. I decided that I'd rather know about the chemistry upfront, then find out if we're a good match.

    xoxo

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  5. I have definitely done the online dating thing. I did 2 stints with Match and both relationships I ended up in did not work out, but glad I had the experience. I did OKCupid as a fluke (because a friend encouraged me to do it) and I was the first profile that my now boyfriend saw. I have a hard time telling my IRL friends how we met, but all the bloggy world knows! ha I have posted numerous stories about the boys I've met through online dating on my blog. Good fodder!

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  6. Loved this post! You are hilarious, my dear. I'll say it: I met my husband on Match! It works, and the taboo-ness needs to go away! I've been thinking about posting our "online-love" story for our 5 year anniversary - in 3 weeks!

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    1. Yes, Katie! YOU SHOULD SO DO THIS! That would be so fun to read. And some good living proof that this online dating stuff can work!

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  7. Firstly, really enjoyed reading this. :)
    I never thought I'd try online dating either, but I gave it a go a couple years ago. Admidst the creepy responses, I actually found two seemingly awesome guys. We went out a few times, got along amazingly (in fact, I'd say my dates with these guys were better than any I'd ever been on with people I'd just met "regularly"). But the thing about 20-something guys... they're playing the field. So in the end, I got my heart broken. x2. But hey, it was an experience. I don't regret it. Have I tried online dating again since that last time? No. But I still believe in it. Love happens, and why not online? Like you said, I've connected with so many awesome friends through blogging, how anyone can dismiss online dating as something that doesn't work... well, what do they know? ;)

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  8. Ssshhh..

    I met my husband online.

    xo

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  9. YAY!!! Welcome back!
    And there was a point where I almost considered online dating because I was in a world full of dbags and sleazeballs who were only interested in sex. But then I met my husband. But... if I hadn't, you better believe I would've given up and gotten an account at match.com

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  10. I met my boyfriend online when we were 12-13 and we had been together on and off all our lives and now we've been together for almost 5yrs (in October)! :) Online dating is so much the norm these days.

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  11. I went through exactly what you went through: I felt a little superior to going that route, but eventually I tried it out of desperation and it wasn't so bad at all! I went one a date and made a new friend who is a great, normal guy. It didn't work out romantically, but it made me a believer in online dating and helped me realize it wasn't as weird/creepy/lame as I thought it was initially!

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  12. The 1st love of my life, whom I dated for 6 years, I met online. I totally believe in the power of it!!!

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  13. I have been on 3 separate dating websites because each time I was forced to join one and then when I called it quits my MOTHER would talk me into joining another one. Not my cup of tea although I never tried Match and from what I've heard that's the "best" one! I had really nothing good come from any of them. I went on one pretty good date and then never heard from the guy again. The whole thing was a bit of a blow to my self esteem so I quit haha. Every time I hear of another good story that came from online dating I think about reconsidering though!

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  14. My dad met his wife of 4 years so far on Eharmony so supposedly ist's working for them!!

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  15. How I Met Your Mother reference! Caught it ;)

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    1. Ding ding ding! YES thank you. I was like mannn no one to appreciate my clever reference! Haha, that episode helped inspire this post A LOT!

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  16. I've always been unafraid of admitting I've been on dating websites for the past couple years. Hey, I was a full-time student, with a full-time job, AND an internship all specializing in fashion. Somehow, this does not compute to an overload of wonderful straight men (or any at all). I will say I tested both eHarmony and Match and didn't find anyone I would be interested in. But, also I was 19 when I first attempted and I do think with both of those, the general age range is mid-twenties to thirties for success. I've met a handful of rad individuals on OkCupid that I still keep in touch with. No long term success story, but I totally am an advocate for it (as long as you're smart about it!)

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  17. I believe in it! I've never done it myself, but I believe in it, and the reason is this; I've made some real life friends after we met through blogging and that's online, so kinda the same thing, in a way. Plus, my friend Sini who lives here in France, is from Finland, but she met her French boyfriend online, and now they live in Avignon together, so there you go :)

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  18. My sister tried online dating and it didn't work for her at all. BUT my friend tried it and he ended up marrying someone he met online, and I LOVE her! They're seriously a perfect match. I don't know if I'd ever be brave enough to try it, but maybe I should, because I'm actually really shy when I first meet someone and it takes me a long time to really open up.

    P.S. SO SO SO glad you're back! I was about to come over and MAKE you come back. haha

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  19. I've never had an online date but I would give it a try ;)

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  20. LOVING your blog so far! Found you through Becoming What I Always Was :)

    Elizabeth
    http://fearlessandfrugal.blogspot.com/

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  21. Wow, this is strange: I emailed you a few weeks ago about a similiar situation, and guess what: it's even more identical than I thought! Because that guy: I met online as well. And we clicked, and he was super attractive, and normal, and not a "creepo" at all. And now, about 1.5 months after the "relationship" ended, I do feel a lot better, feel a bit of a pang sometimes, but know that someone else is a better fit for me, timing and all :D

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  22. Stumbled onto your blog and just wanted to leave you a little blog luv! Def enjoyed this post!! New Follower via email :-)

    http://infinitelifefitness.com
    http://mscomposure.blogspot.com

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  23. i think its legit too, for sure.

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  24. I'm fairly certain that you are pretty hilarious. Subscribing this instant. Oh by the way my name is Annelise. I am saucy... but totally not as cool as you.

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  25. Love this post! I have several friends that love online dating...they find it much easier and have met wonderful guys...with a couple of crazies thrown in lol

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  26. thank you for this informative and interesting post, I have lived under a toadstool all of my life and never knew such wonders in society existed.

    God Bless

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  27. Match.com and Eharmony should definitely have sponsored this post. It almost made me want to start online dating. Then I remembered I am married. doh! However, my TIL(twin in law) (the one you're going to marry) online dates. It's normal in my life to hear about online dating. Maybe it's mor common or accepted here?? I don't know, but a lot of people do it. It's not just for sex (sometimes) but it can be a really solid thing! Love you punky!

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  28. I LOLed my way through this entry!! You have such a great way of writing things out. =) I love it!

    Alsooooo, they really are missing out. ALL of these dudes. Because I think you're fantastic!

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  29. I actually enjoyed reading through this posting. Many thanks.
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Your comments make my day! I read each and every one of them and try to deliver a response to as many as I can! Unless there's a discussion going, I will usually reach back to you via e-mail. Thank you for your willingness to speak and share your thoughts :) You is dope.