Good Morning Jelly Beans!
Good Morning, Good morning!
I have to say, waking up at the butt crack of dawn is no piece of pie for me, but man is it rewarding. I just feel like the day is my oyster when things have already been accomplished and it's not even 8 a.m. yet, don't you?
Waking up at 5:30 and actually getting out of bed this morning, was actually fairly easy. You see, last night right before my head hit the pillow, I experienced what I call "my weekly frantic breakdown." I've been pretty SUPER GREAT at maintaining positivity and placing all my trust into the universe for all that lies ahead of me, but I still have those natural moments of "What if I am just a huge, stupid, silly complete waste?"
I was doing the usual job hunting via the Craigslist/Monster/AppleOne, with the usual "ugh, not qualified enough", "ugh, too far away", "ugh, scam", "ugh, minimum wage", "ugh, long-term", "ugh, not dreamy or ideal in anyway shape or form, but OK, here goes more resumes I'm sending out, with desperate hope for a response" "ugh, that's all the job postings for today??", ugh, ugh, ugh. I have literally been going in circles in my attempt to find ANYTHING that will give me a light at the end of my savings tunnel, and it's been more of a struggle than I'd like it to be.
In an attempt to feel less defeated and lonely in my job hunting battles, I literally typed the following into my google search:
"I have a bachelor's degree and I can't find a job."
Ha. I was amused to find a handful of fellow frustrated young minds, including one gal in particular who was actively trying to sue her college for putting her in serious debt and not providing the proper assistance needed to find a decent job post graduating. I immediately thought, "I feel you, girlfriend". And then I thought, "Maybe I should sue too." Then I thought, "No, my decision to major in Theater would probably provide jack squat for my case." Finally, "Oh well, I'll just go cry it out for now.... and maybe tomorrow morning, blog it out". So that's what I did. I cried a little bit. And that's what I'm doing now. Blogging a little bit.
But before the tears, and after the job searching, I started thinking about this whole blogging obsession I have created for myself. And I started feeling defeated in that too. Because once you start feeling shitty about one thing, it's too easy to start feeling shitty about everything else. So you do. And I did. I started feeling like maybe I was putting too much time into all of this, and maybe revealing more about myself then I'd like others to know. I started feeling like maybe I was putting all these thoughts and feelings out there, and instead of being felt, understood and appreciated, I was being laughed at or made a fool, spillin' all my personal jelly beans. And then I started thinking, what if I fail at even keeping up with all of this, what if I don't make it to New York, then how stupid will I look? It was only moments after I had these unwholesome thoughts that my phone lit up with notification that I had been accepted to the private Blogstar group on Facebook. Immediately, I felt a small sense of glee, but it was quickly shot down with the heavier pre-existing vexation of unemployment that I proceeded straight to the tears. And so I had tears. And then I had some sleep.
And then I awoke. And no matter how early it is, or what's going on, or what happened the night before, there's nothing more amazing than the natural peace that a new day brings.
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." -Pslam 40:5
Indeed, it was the hope of a new day that opened my eyes earlier than usual, but it was also the collection of notifications that sent my phone a-buzzin', that not just woke me up, but prompted me to leap out of bed with smiles from ear to ear. I received a handful of warm welcomes/comments via The Blogstar Group and it made my heart beam with happiness and excitement. I thought, "Yay, there is new blogs to be explored, new friends to be made, and feedback to embrace!" So much positivity and determination restored. So thank you, thank you (seriously, THANK YOU) to Blogstar, and thank you to all my personal friends who have taken the time here to read my words. Some of you have been so kind to share your thoughts with me already, and I hope the rest of you (everyone) will continue to stop by and drop a line or two. It really means more to me than you know.
With all of the being said, I'm off to seize the day! I have plans later this afternoon to catch a free show of Lana Del Rey at Amoeba in LA. I will be accompanied by some of my most favorite people ever. Stay tuned for photos/recap.
Until then, Happy Tuesday to you. And please, don't follow my poor example of jelly beans for breakfast. Surely, this isn't the kind of "fruit medley" my diet has in mind for me...